This thread just created that strange, bittersweet feeling when you already KNOW something about yourself but see it reflected back to you in text from a complete stranger and feel stripped bare. https://twitter.com/sarah_e_wong/status/1274738173030129664

And girls? We get diagnosed much later in life because we almost always lack the outward hyperactivity of boys that triggers testing & diagnosis in the first place. But the signs were always there for me. I could talk someone's ear off - if I was interested. Constant "Why?"

Same with interrupting & dominating conversation. I will always, always struggle with that. I always have. I hate it. It makes me feel ashamed. And it's so hard to explain to someone, "No! It's not because I'm not listening - it's that I'm listening & interested & excited!"

No one understands how I can be both listening intently AND talking a lot. Combined ADHD: We do both. Few people understand. I've gotten better at it over the years, gauging people's reactions, but it's still hard to curb in the moment when words & thoughts come like a flood.

For this reason, I'm a lot better one-on-one. Group settings that are built around conversation are my kryptonite. Book clubs, classrooms, forget it. I was always the Hermione Granger and know-it-all. I don't try to. I'm just interested and my brain's amped up.

As a kid I'd get so lost in books I'd not hear my mom calling me for dinner. Or I'd be sent upstairs to clean my room & an hour later not done a single thing because I got distracted by everything and overwhelmed. I wasn't trying to ignore or avoid. But I got in trouble for both.

People who can not handle big emotion do not do great around me. Mostly because they don't make allowances or try to understand that passionate & often impulsive nature. I never say things I don't mean, but I often look back and realize I should have said them in a different way.

I think it's why I gravitated toward writing. I am the first to admit I am shit at speaking on my feet. Writing gives me a way to refine those rough thoughts in a way I can't do when I'm speaking in the moment, like many other people can.

The drawback is that when I have to write something I'm not particularly interested in or the point of which fails to move me, it takes forever. I can't just tell myself to sit down for an hour and knock it out. Having to do things that fail to engage me creates physical dread.

Actual physical dread. It literally feels like a weight has settled in me. But it's combined with the anxious guilt of knowing I SHOULD be writing or doing a specific task, but am not. And putting it off and off until finally the stress of a deadline overwhelms the dread.

Few things that people talk about or understand in regard to ADHD: the overwhelming guilt. You almost ALWAYS feel at least a low level of anxious guilt. I run an entire editorial site with no help, which in and of itself is enough. I also help co-lead a grassroots organization.

I still find time to occasionally do podcasts, videos, volunteer when I can. And I'm doing all of this during an unprecedented quarantine. For most others, that is a LIFETIME of work. But you know what I constantly dwell on? That I haven't finished my book proposal.

Not all the major things I've accomplished, but the one thing I haven't. It's very hard for me and others with ADHD to feel any sense of accomplishment or pride because we're always only thinking of all the things we haven't done or thinking about what more we could have done.

Sorry for the lengthy tweet thread, but we still don't talk enough about ADHD and what it's like to live with it. We talk about depression and anxiety and PTSD, but ADHD is still seen as something college kids fake having as an excuse to score Adderall. And I'm over it.

And already I've gotten two responses to this, the ones that capture exactly WHY we don't take ADHD seriously, the ones that are so. damn. frustrating. to hear: "Doesn't everyone do that?"/"Doesn't that apply to everybody?" That question doesn't account for degree & frequency.

Sure, a lot of these symptoms CAN apply to everyone. But everyone has had periods of being so sad it was hard to function, yet we don't question it when people say they have depression. Everyone has been acutely stressed but we don't question it when people say they have anxiety.

Because we understand it's not about an action or feeling itself, but the degree to which they're felt & frequency of occurrence when we're talking about depression & anxiety. We understand the difference between "it's just life" & "this is a problem." We're not there with ADHD.

Sure. Everyone puts off doing a boring chore. Not everyone feels real physical dread at the VERY THOUGHT of it. They don't feel it like a fist squeezing their stomach. They don't feel anxiety like claws in their gut. And they certainly don't feel it multiple times a week OR DAY.

So, no. Having ADHD isn't just getting distracted & forgetful sometimes in the way that's just normal life stuff. And, no, you don't have ADHD just because you do get distracted & forgetful sometimes. It's a whole other realm. Please stop undermining & dismissing it.