Permit me a short

Father’s Day is messy. Truly. The day before they died I made myself and them so many promises. That summer we spent so much time unpacking baggage. I realized how I wasn’t showing up and how my father’s baggage was hindering me from being better for them

I was thrust into fatherhood too damn early and over the years I was still growing up myself. Well-they drowned at a babysitter’s house that next day. Just like that my promises and hopes were destroyed. I don’t say that for pity. Truly

My relationship with my own father is rocky at best. He’s been abusive my whole life and is in prison for the rest of his. Last year, after getting run over by a car he called and told me he loved me for the first time ever. He’s trying. It doesn’t take away the past

I don’t go to church or even tune into churches on these holidays because I’ve found out the hard way that they aren’t safe spaces. There isn’t adequate language to encompass where people are at on this day.

I find churches either 1. Swerve the issue and give only positive messages on Fatherhood And God as Father...a cheery message. 2. Not acknowledge fathers and talk about mothers-chastising men in general-which is weird. We can hold space for people in better ways y’all

All that to say-this day sucks for many. But for many who are involved with their kids please don’t wait for tomorrow to unpack baggage. I had brighter days ahead and those are gone. God is redeeming what is left. Also-kudos to those with amazing relationships

I wasn’t going to say anything and just disappear-or go along with positivity of the day....but there is room at the table for everyone. Love y’all

It is ok to face this day bravely-with whatever that looks like for you. Tears are ok. I am rooted in Christ...but definitely wobbly....and that is more than ok.

Lastly lastly ha- no need to move on to mothers or others...it’s ok to lament y’all. I mean that. Sure I had people who stepped in to try to fill the gap of my abusive father...it wasn’t enough. Or-if you didn’t have a toxic father and he just wasn’t supportive-grieve and bless