It’s Father’s Day and maybe some of you don’t have a dad in your life for one reason or another. And maybe of that group, some of ya need to learn how to shave. Never learned, new to you, whatever.

So today for Father’s Day I will be your dad and I’m going to teach you to shave.

(Note: this is Twitter, so someone WILL pop in and tell you I’m teaching you wrong. Do not listen to them. Listen to me, your dad.)

Let’s talk about razors.

Disposable dual blade razors are Bad. They’re especially bad if you are a person who is prone to razor bumps and ingrown hairs. Those dual blades pull out a hair, cut it, and then let it go back under the skin for a “close” shave.

Long story short - you want a single blade safety razor. Ultimately cheaper than buying disposables over and over, you can find them at CVS or Amazon. Don’t be scared! “Safety” is right there in the name.

They also look cool. Big dad energy with this razor.

I won’t get into shaving soap and such (though it’s worth looking into), but the basic formula is simple: shaving soap/cream and *hot* water on the face, *cold* water on the razor. (As described by Johnny Caspar in MILLER’S CROSSING)

Best done right after a shower, lather your face well with a little hot water and shaving cream. Run the razor under cold water (steel molecules contract in cold, therefore under cold water the blade is as sharp as scientifically possible).

Mentally divide your face into four sections: left cheek, right cheek, mouth & chin, and neck. You’re gonna shave cheeks first, then mouth & chin, then neck. (Yes, there’s a more complicated version but google has all different ideas about this.)

This is the part everyone screws up: shave with the grain* of your facial hair, in single, smooth strokes. You are not raking a lawn or scraping barnacles off a boat. One stroke; rinse blade. Repeat.

*Again, Google got ideas about beard grain. You know your own face, though.

Don’t get lazy about the rinsing of the blade! A blade covered in hair is not giving you a close shave. And the cold water helps, as mentioned.

“But dad, what happens when I miss a spot?” This is the lost, once-standard step that those dual blades were invented and marketed to eradicate, and all it gave us was ingrown hairs and razor bumps:

For a true close shave, lather up your face a second time and DO IT AGAIN.

I know everyone is busy and have places to be, but that second pass shave - like winding your watch or making *one* great cup of coffee - is a ritual, a moment of meditation and reflection, that you probably could use more of in your life.

Aftershaves and the like are a personal preference, but I prefer a simple rinse, hot towel and face wipe to open the pores and get the remaining soap off.

Please note: you WILL miss a spot. You WILL cut yourself from time to time. That’s part of the deal. And as you get better with the razor you’ll be confident enough to go back and clean up any tricky missed spots.

Hey! You’re shaving! I knew you could do it.

Replace the blades as instructed on the package (though a broken-in blade nicks you less, and therefore you’ll find it’s hard to part with). #HappyFathersDay