Read on Twitter
When I was a kid, I received the social message early and consistently: something is wrong with you, you aren’t like other people, it’s wrong. Even before I knew what I was I felt this so strongly I can scarcely remember a moment in my childhood when I didn’t know/feel it. 1/n
As I got older I came to understand, at least where I lived, that these messages came from Christianity. Virtually every expression of it where I lived was intertwined with direct and indirect disapproval of that which I knew was innately a part of my being. 2/n
Once I came to this realization, I came to hate Christianity. And while I wouldn’t use that word toward people I came pretty close to hating Christians as well.
How could they do such evil to others? How could they encourage me to hate myself? 3/n
How could they do such evil to others? How could they encourage me to hate myself? 3/n
I was seething with rage and still dealing with the sense that I could never be good enough. It was a toxic mix.
I came to reject Christianity wholeheartedly. I became a militant, radical atheist.
I became convinced that Christianity must be defeated to release me...4/n
I came to reject Christianity wholeheartedly. I became a militant, radical atheist.
I became convinced that Christianity must be defeated to release me...4/n
from the pain and suffering.
From there it wasn’t hard to extend my ire to “Heteronormative” culture.
These normative systems were discriminating against me and led to my unhappiness, and I had to help dismantle them in order to find peace. 5/n
From there it wasn’t hard to extend my ire to “Heteronormative” culture.
These normative systems were discriminating against me and led to my unhappiness, and I had to help dismantle them in order to find peace. 5/n
I spent a decade or more thinking this way. I embraced radical politics. I embraced Critical Theorists who affirmed everything I’ve said about my experience far.
They “understood” me. 6/n
They “understood” me. 6/n
Fast forward to my mid-20s. I’m still radical, still dejected, still depressed, and still all-to-willing to project all of it onto the world rather than trying to fix myself. 7/n
The truth is, I was using all of these externalizations as a distraction from actually learning how to love and cultivate myself.
And while this wasn’t consistent, I pushed myself to get an education, a career, take care of my material needs.
But I was spiritually empty 8/n
And while this wasn’t consistent, I pushed myself to get an education, a career, take care of my material needs.
But I was spiritually empty 8/n
None of this is to say that I wasn’t “othered” by Christians or straight people. There were all sorts of direct and indirect ways I was told that my perspective wasn’t taken into account, wasn’t valued.
To this day I know there are toxic ways of thinking within both. 9/n
To this day I know there are toxic ways of thinking within both. 9/n
But I thought the radical thing, the change-making action, was to reflect all of the hatred and insecurity I came to feel back at these groups which I held responsible. And now I understand that it wasn’t.
I now understand that projecting that hatred back in 10/n
I now understand that projecting that hatred back in 10/n
the opposite direction only affirmed the toxic elements of Christianity and “heteronormativity” that I’d so stridently opposed.
And in the process I came to embody the very dehumanizing moralizations I thought I was against. 11/n
And in the process I came to embody the very dehumanizing moralizations I thought I was against. 11/n
And of course none of it made me whole. It was a distraction.
To claim the right to be free from others hatred and derision, you have to first free yourself from the ways in which you’ve internalized them. 12/n
To claim the right to be free from others hatred and derision, you have to first free yourself from the ways in which you’ve internalized them. 12/n
Personal liberation isn’t, then, about vengeance, revenge, or flipping systems of oppression in the other direction.
These aren’t radical modes of thought, they change nothing. They only further instantiate the ways of thinking that led to ones dehumanization 12/n
These aren’t radical modes of thought, they change nothing. They only further instantiate the ways of thinking that led to ones dehumanization 12/n
In the first place.
The radical action, that which will actually bring about change, is to stare those who would hate you and dehumanize you in the eyes and say, with every fiber of your being, “I love you.” 13/n
The radical action, that which will actually bring about change, is to stare those who would hate you and dehumanize you in the eyes and say, with every fiber of your being, “I love you.” 13/n
This is also the hardest thing to do.
It’s so easy for us to retreat into pettiness and moral superiority in response to hatred and dehumanization. These are part and parcel of the same innate human tendencies that cause us to turn on each other in the 1st place. 14/n
It’s so easy for us to retreat into pettiness and moral superiority in response to hatred and dehumanization. These are part and parcel of the same innate human tendencies that cause us to turn on each other in the 1st place. 14/n
I’m not immune, and I’m not perfect. I know that sometimes I still behave poorly along these lines. I know I’ll always be a work in progress.
But at the end of the day I know that grounding myself within radical love, even toward those who most hate me 15/n
But at the end of the day I know that grounding myself within radical love, even toward those who most hate me 15/n
or want me to hate them, will give me the firm footing I need to keep improving and mostly inoculate myself against the toxic ways of thinking we’re being encouraged to embody by so many and so often. 16/end
