mental health disorders don’t just affect mood!!! even the most common ones like anxiety and depression can have a big impact on people’s ability to concentrate, pay attention to multiple things at once, plan, problem solve, register and recollect, & sustain attention!

if more family members and friends realised this, maybe they wouldn’t be frustrated at their loved one! it’s not an intentional thing! it’s often part of the nature of the disorder that you can become disorganised, late/absent, stop contributing to household tasks, etc!

the way to address this isn’t thru creating fear in the person (fear of failure, fear of your anger). they aren’t stubborn little kids who need discipline. it is thru a patient and very involved therapeutic approach including:

- simplifying tasks eg placing all the spices in one area, reducing # of shampoo bottles, reducing (and even labelling) clothes in the closet

- compensating for deficits by using things like calendars, alarms, etc. often people have to be trained to remember to use this.

- building insight into problems and working w the person to problem or identify solutions that work for him or her.

- setting routines based on his/her needs. the time you wake up doesn’t matter as much as that you wake up everyday at that time. but you have to take control of your own routine..

- working thru strategies, eg deep breathing, that can relax or calm someone when she is overwhelmed.

- segmenting tasks so that you don’t have to sustain attention for enormous periods of tasks. Knowing that it’s ok to return to a task. Knowing your limits.

obviously all of this would be in conjunction with meds and talk therapy as needed

it’s very hard to do this as a family member because you can get easily frustrated or fall into the pattern of blaming the person.

but that’s why therapists exist pls tell your physician to refer you to them!! so many people don’t know that therapists also work on things like cooking, routine building, finding jobs (!), personal hygiene etc !

Also for fricks sake if you want someone to put their pens away in a box then LABEL THE BOX ! don’t create added problem solving and memory needs when they don’t need to be there !

I guarantee you 100% that if you’re living w your parents, your spaces are still set up for “prettiness” rather than functionality and ease. Make them simple !! Make everything simpler! Reduce the amount of thinking to get things done! Make it less daunting! Please

I will give another example that causes a fair amount of frustration. Ppl may not wash the dishes b/c they find a huge pile overwhelming. There can be many ways to approach this:
-relearning cooking in a way that incorporates breaks for washing dishes, so that they dont build up

- teaching the person to stack and organise dishes PRIOR to washing them. a lot of ppl do this naturally, but some ppl have to learn to do this. This makes them seem more manageable and less distracting.

if this is why the person isn’t washing the dishes, YOU can help by not randomly placing your dishes in the kitchen. organise the dishes FOR him/her so that she can wash them without feeling daunted. slowly incorporate more independence. make the task simple & then add complexity

the other thing is to please stop trying to make your family members “normal.” there is no reason that ppl have to live the way you want them to. prioritise the things that are important for: safety, independence, and s/he WANTS to work on.