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Cw: surgery, depression, dsyphoria
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I'm really struggling with top surgery being postponed in the last few days
I realise that 6 months isn't a huge amount of time in the grand scheme of things & with everything thats going on in the world its a relatively minor thing but 1
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I'm really struggling with top surgery being postponed in the last few days
I realise that 6 months isn't a huge amount of time in the grand scheme of things & with everything thats going on in the world its a relatively minor thing but 1
I had the first of July set in my mind and The Day that they would be gone.
And my dsyphoria around my chest had not been as intense this year as that date was so close, it was tangible & within reach. I finally felt a sense of peace in my body like it was finally gonna be mine 2
And my dsyphoria around my chest had not been as intense this year as that date was so close, it was tangible & within reach. I finally felt a sense of peace in my body like it was finally gonna be mine 2
That I was talking steps to make my self comfortable in my body. And now that it's been pushed back the realisation that I have this part of me that distresses me so deeply has sky rocketed. Before I was able to seperate my self from my chest cause I could see the finish line 3
Im lucky ive a relatively small chest. I could usually get away without binding day to day. With the right cloths I could hide my chest from my self & others & minimise my dsyphoria. My chest normal didn't bother me shirtless only when I can see the Shape of it under cloths 4
Now I am literally conscious of it constantly. The feeling of cloths touching it. Even those that I'm usually comfortable in. Even if I can't see an obvious shape. Even the pressure of them under a binder has been dsyphoria inducing because I can feel "them" there 5
Showering or changing clothes has become difficult even walking down stairs cause I can 'feel'* them more (*idk if this actually true but my brain definitely makes it seem that way).
And this heightened chest dsyphoria has made other aspects of my dsyphoria much much worse 6
And this heightened chest dsyphoria has made other aspects of my dsyphoria much much worse 6
I might delete this thread later but I just needed to articulate my feelings about my dsyphoria a bit. It's also extremely difficult to go through all this back in my home town and with a mostly unsupportive family.
Leaving the house I'm either birth named/missgendered 7
Leaving the house I'm either birth named/missgendered 7
Or seen right through cause people litteraly don't recognise me now like im a ghost. Affirmative is none existent and there is constant reminders of my pre transition self
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