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I’ve never told this story before, but I’m ready. 2 years ago, I was tired of being rejected by men on apps when I disclosed I was trans. I felt so lonely. Finally, I decided that I would go on a date with a man without telling him about my past. It ended in violence. [Thread]
On the date, we got on very well. He called me beautiful. We laughed, held hands, kissed. Part of me thought he already knew (big mistake), so I decided to go back to his place. He brought us two glasses of wine and our encounter began to unfold.
We’re on his couch, making out, and we were about to become intimate. I decided to tell him. “There’s something you should know. I’m transgender.” He thought I was joking at first. I didn’t laugh. The look in his eyes went from lustful to enraged in half a second.
He was furious & full of intense anger. He got up and started shouting at me. He hit me in the face and threw me to the ground. I was in shock. He went to the other room scrambling to get something (a weapon? Who knows). I ran out of his apartment and never looked back.
I was traumatized for weeks. We should live in a world where we can disclose our trans identities whenever we want, but unfortunately, we do not. This is why I urge trans women to disclose on the phone or in a public place. I just want to see us survive.
I just want to be clear that I absolutely HATE that I am saying any of this. It sounds like I’m victim blaming. Along the lines of “don’t wear a skirt too short, don’t go out at night,” etc.
Ultimately, it is men who have to change their fragile souls. But I can stomach hearing about another trans woman being murdered.
When I had just started transitioning, it was exciting for me to test my “passability” and experiment/flirt with men. I’m sure many trans girls can relate. Getting hit on or catcalled was exhilarating and new.
I put myself in a lot of dangerous situations. The truth is, there is a documented history of men reacting violently after realizing a woman is trans.
Gwen Araujo. https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2013/10/lgbt-history-month-profile-transgender-hero-gwen-araujo/
Aliah Hernandez. https://www.mic.com/articles/192573/transgender-woman-aliah-hernandez-was-brutally-beaten-and-left-for-dead-her-attacker-walked-free
Nikki Kuhnhausen. https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/man-charged-hate-crime-death-transgender-teen-n1110216
Men view trans women as both a fantasy and an aberration. They view our bodies as a desecration of the male body. It makes them uncomfortable and intrigued. This is why they kill us. They don’t know how to process our existence.
Men HAVE to do better. Our survival depends on it. But until then, I am urging my fellow trans girls and women to be safe. Look out for yourselves. Be extra cautious. It breaks my heart to say this. We will prevail one day. I hope I’m alive to see it.
