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Hello. I cried myself to sleep last night out of anger, pain, & grieving for what happened to all these somali women. It inspired me to tell my own story, maybe this will ease my burden & pain. I have never & will never voice this story out loud or off a non-Anon acc. Please read
June or July 2019.
It’s important you guys know my character as a person because it’s essential to “why” this happen. I’m a very open, talkative, social person to everyone, regardless of gender, I never saw myself talking to boys as a bad thing because I was just socializing yk.
It’s important you guys know my character as a person because it’s essential to “why” this happen. I’m a very open, talkative, social person to everyone, regardless of gender, I never saw myself talking to boys as a bad thing because I was just socializing yk.
One day my father caught me talking with a boy, I was not interested in this boy at all I was just having a conversation & laughing. I had part of my pants showing up to the thigh area My father was furious with me thinking I was being indecent and having no xishood. I understood
A few days later, my father groped my breast. I was extremely uncomfortable & voiced my opinion. I asked him “what are you doing” in shock. He said, “I’m giving you what you want, you are curious about boys & I will show you what you are missing” This was the day it all started.
He would always try to get me alone. I always would try to avoid him, but If he wanted me alone, he’d find a way. Hed rub his body against mine while groping my breasts. He did this while I cried & asked him to please stop. I didn’t fight him because he was my father.
I asked him why this was happening to me. He blamed it on me. He blamed it on my personality. His solution to that was to sexually assault me, I verbally said I didn’t want this happening. He used his position as my father to hurt me. This is why I was unable to defend myself.
He said never to tell anyone, this was something between us & would bring shame to the family & ruin us. He said we became closer than ever, that he understood me now & why I was the way I was. Which is true, because I was able to tell him about my feelings but it worsened.
The groping went on for about 4 months. At first I cried and cried & asked him to stop, but after a while I became numb & realized that there is no escape. This is my life now & this isn’t my body anymore since I don’t have say over it. It didn’t matter what I said.
I thought he isn’t actually touching maybe I’m safe? However It then evolved into him touching my bare breast. He used his mouth too. This is when I could myself break mentally. my mental health couldn’t handle it. I started screaming for help but my siblings were outside playing
He slapped me hard to make me stop then tried to sweet talk me calling me aabo, saying I’m sorry, hugging me, & telling me sorry. hearing that from him actually helped. I thought is this my way out, finally it’ll stop. After some coddling I forgave him. Because he was my father.
It didn’t stop, it only stopped for a little bit. During all this, he would give me money & he would treat me different than my other siblings. They slowly started to realize too calling me his favorite. I hated this, because all I ever wanted was to be like them. Just normal.
I was given my own room too. I hate this room & I hate this bed. he caught me watching something explicit on my phone. That night he beat me. The next night He forced me to touch his penis. He forced me to jerk him off. He said, “this is what you want, that’s why you watch that.”
Hed rub his penis against my underwear & rub on me with his hand, he tried to kiss me once but I vomited on his face, he would dry hump me until he came. It only stopped when he came. he came on my bed once, I’ve slept on the floor until he forced me to sleep on the bed again.
He never once put it inside me, because he said he was doing me a favor. Those other guys would’ve put it inside my vagina & ass. I would’ve been gang raped. He said he’s a good man & it’s better coming from your father than someone else. He said this is the safest option.
I became someone else, a lesser, sadder, broken version of myself in less than 7 months. He would do this a lot, almost every other night. I stopped taking showers, cleaning my hair, my teeth thinking maybe if I stank & was disgusting he’d leave me alone.
I started coming downstairs wth my siblings more. I got ridiculed by them, they said you stink, you’re disgusting etc. which I didn’t care about because they didn’t know what was happening. I shielded them from that. None of this worked, he’d basically force me to shower.
One day I remember I was in the car with my sisters & I just began randomly crying. I think a thought of the nights triggered it. I didn’t even realize until they pointed it out. They were concerned & them asking broke me. I started sobbing, but I knew I couldn’t tell them.
My father is the main provider in my family. I have a lot of siblings, really young ones & I couldn’t paint their father figure as a sexual assaulter. I can’t break their home, I want them to have a beautiful childhood like I did. They deserve that. So I will keep quiet.
What hurts the most is he thinks he’s doing me a favor. He says “you’ll understand when you’re older”, “you are ungrateful, I saved your life”, “you would’ve been raped by someone”, “you need this to happen to you”, “I’m doing you a huge favor, I’m risking everything for you”.
I believed it & a part of me still believes it. I’m not the person I use to be & I will never be the person I was again. My mother is absent rn & has been for a long time. She’s in Somalia right now, I have no one to go to. I am really alone, this is a burden I’ll carry forever.
All I can do is try & act normal, like nothing ever happened to me. I am a puzzle broken piece with a 1000 pieces & my father took pieces & thew them in the trash. I will never be whole again. I just wish no one else goes through what I did.
I am still a virgin alx, but I feel like I’ve still lost my innocence.
I want to thank all the girls who have inspired me to tell my story by telling theirs. You guys are so brave & I hope you thrive & prosper in life. May Allah ease our pain & suffering. Ameen 
