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Academic friends! Can I share something about zoom meetings? After zoom discussions or sessions, I have been feeling gripped by crazy anxiety for quite a while afterwards. Did I say something wrong? How was that received? Did I laugh too loudly?
Now, this is not that unusual, I am pretty anxious as a person, and also hyper-aware of others& #39; perceptions (sadly). But zoom makes this really bad, and I have been trying to work out why.
I have two reasons, that I think contribute. One is for unscripted conversations (not lectures) in real life, I usually focus in on a one-to-one conversation. Down the pub/in a group discussion/with friends, I want to speak to one person.
I can& #39;t really do small-talk, I am uncomfortable grandstanding about something. Suddenly, with zoom you have 20+ people all listening to you. Some don& #39;t have their videos on, so there is not even any visual contact.
The second thing is, you get absolutely NO feedback from noises or body language. If I laugh loudly, and someone else does, that& #39;s cool, we are in it together. On zoom, I laugh, and that& #39;s it...awkward silence with myself. I have realised I am highly dependent on this.
The things I have learned to deal with human interaction and how to manage it and make it enjoyable are gone, and yet I am still revealing my ideas and my thoughts and my emotions to others.
So while one-on-one zooming is bearable, a group zoom is completely exhausting and leaves me hyper-anxious. I don& #39;t think there is much I can do about this apart from "learn to accept myself" blah blah blah. But goodness me, full online teaching is going to be really hard.
