I’m seeing a lot of chatter again about grooming. And this is an important topic that gets pushed under the rug far too often.
Every 15 year old thinks they’re wise- they think they’re mature, and when an adult gives them that validation, they believe it.

I spent my teenage years being bullied by peers for being ugly. And every adult told me that I was pretty, but not in a way that teenagers found attractive. “Things will be so much easier for you when you get to college. You’ll fit in there”
I heard “you’re more mature.”

So when I was 15 and a 32 year old man thought I was pretty and wanted to “date me”, I thought it was normal. I was “more mature” than other teenagers. Only adults seemed to appreciate me.
So when this adult man wanted me, it seemed only natural.

And here’s the thing no one mentions about grooming- it’s not predators that build the foundation for it. It was well meaning adults- the ones who told me I was an old soul, who responded to complaints of bullying with “you’re just more mature than them.”

It was every adult who saw my height and told me I should model.
It was the constant emphasis on attractiveness, the societal pressure to be “pretty” that groomed me.

That man didn’t have to groom me-the world had done it for him.
He just had to take advantage of it.

So, while we are having these conversations about grooming and teen abuse- it’s important we ask ourselves how we contribute to the societal issues related to grooming without meaning to.

We need to stop teaching teenagers that their worth is based on attractiveness.
We need to stop telling high school kids that they’ll “fit in” when they’re older.
We need to stop spending money on designers who use teenage models in their ad campaigns.

We need to stop sexualizing teens and instead, build up their self esteem.
And we need to start recognizing that teenagers are the most frequently targeted demographic by predators, and that offenders should be given the same harsh consequences whether the victim was 10 or 16.

When most people hear about Child Abuse, or CSAM (commonly referred to as CP), the immediate thought is of the victim being a young child- they don’t think of a teenager with a body that looks similar to an adult.

That misconception creates a powerful narrative- one that paints a false image of who we judge to be an acceptable victim.
And that unconscious bias carries real consequences when held by those who are responsible for serving justice to offenders.

Teenagers are not “jailbait.”
They’re not “hot” or “sexy”.
Teenagers shouldnt have their youth exploited.
They don’t have the ability/experience to make adult decisions.
They’re not “practically adults”.
They’re CHILDREN.

Addendum: please note that I didn’t use gendered language when discussing experiences outside my own.
Because teenage boys are abused at an extremely high rate, and not only has it been normalized, but there is a mountain of shame preventing victims from speaking out.

The @GoodMenProject is a great resource for discussing the societal issues working against male victims, without diminishing others experiences.
and we as a society REALLY need to stop normalizing specialization of teenage boys.

Your middle aged coworker with a poster of a shirtless boy band in her cubicle is as much of a predator as the creeps who frequent image boards dedicated to jailbait, or the pervs who were counting down the days until Billie Eilish or Maisie Williams were 18.