I’ve had a few questions about my status with @HarmonyALZ

Yes, we are actively wedding planning. No, we are not yet formally engaged.

We don’t owe an explanation to anyone, but I don’t mind sharing one.We have a few family members (on my side) who will be terribly upset with us

It was important to me to give my family and extended family time to get to know Adrienne and to create some time and space for those who would come around to do so. This dovetailed with us pushing really hard to get Adrienne’s student loans paid off.

We wanted to start a marriage without a burden of six figure loan debt. She has been busted her butt for five years and her debt is now the size of an a new Honda Civic car loan. So we are doing a lot of our upfront wedding planning now while she continues to plow down her loan.

When we do get engaged probably spring/summer 2021–it will be short. Like only a few months. We do not want to give unsupportive family members much time to misbehave or cause trouble. So by the time we announce, our wedding will be planned. The venue booked. The dresses bought

So when I snap the line and set the boundary, it will be impenetrable. It will be clearly communicated to a few family members that we are moving toward the happiest day of our lives. We do not owe time and energy to their concerns. We do not owe emotional labor. We invite them

To take responsibility for stewarding their own feelings and if they can come celebrate joyfully-we’d love to have them there and we even have a few roles we’d allow them to play is they want to take part in the service. However if they can’t be joyful we’d prefer they not come.

For enneagram devotees this is what it looks like when a 2 moves to strong 8. For those who know me from ministry this is a taste of what it looks like when I move into the persona I take on to negotiate with major defense contractors on behalf of the taxpayer.

Negotiations are planning, anticipating negotiation moves, knowing your leverage, anticipating and correcting negative power imbalances and anticipating bad behavior and stall tactics in advance. I try to stay out of this mode in my personal life but it’s a handy skill to have

And with respect to this approach—I feel great about how vulnerable and generous we were in giving family members 5 years to process, adjust, ask questions etc

Many of our family members have come around in beautiful ways. And I would absolutely do it again but also

Right at this moment I also feel great about prioritizing what Adrienne and I wants and needs and desires, our feelings, our selves above pretty much anyone or anything else in our lives. And whenever enneagram 2s do this it shocks people. This is a masterclass on growth for 2s.