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i think the hardest thing about being reidentified is that it does not feel amazing.
transition is marketed to us as a finite journey of self improvement. you'll love your body. you'll be a new you. you'll finally be happy. you'll love yourself for the first time.
transition is marketed to us as a finite journey of self improvement. you'll love your body. you'll be a new you. you'll finally be happy. you'll love yourself for the first time.
obviously those claims about transition aren't true - even if medically transitioning helps some people deal with the issues they have with their body, it doesn't create self esteem out of thin air, and it's definitely not the only way to achieve it. but the hope is intoxicating.
i've been officially reidentified for a few years and i still feel pretty neutral about myself. i still have dysphoria sometimes. i don't look in the mirror and feel this soul connection with my reflection. i don't have this feeling of 'rightness'.
reidentifying is not a finite journey, with a certain number of steps, where at the end of it you're told you're going to feel absolutely fantastic. it doesn't have the awesome marketing that transition does. at first, i used to find that so frustrating.
i was used to being told what to do. first t, then top surgery, then bottom surgery, with maybe a hysto thrown in there somewhere - then, life as a whole, complete, non-dysphoric human being.
reidentifying, when i started, was a complete shot in the dark compared to transition.
reidentifying, when i started, was a complete shot in the dark compared to transition.
i think the only real success marker for reindentifying is realising that modifying your body and trying to control how others perceive you is not where happiness comes from. that realisation, and internalizing it fully, is the goal.
i think happiness comes from connecting with our environment and other people, expressing ourselves, and creating and consuming art. it doesn't come from looking in a mirror.
that's what i've learned, and that's why i think reidentifying was right for me.
that's what i've learned, and that's why i think reidentifying was right for me.
