Accountability is tough but the timing around this seems right. I’ve seen a lot of posts about doing better and about mitigating harm, so I want to reflect a little on the topic. I’m not proud to say that I’m someone who has behaved in toxic ways. Not years ago but even recently.

I know that I’ve hurt people & that often this has resulted in ties being completely severed, for good reason. Ranging from a lack of transparency to actively being harmful when dealing with people whom I disagree with, those are things I’ve done. I’m also sure I’m not alone.

I have reached an understanding with some of the people I’ve hurt. They’ve been gracious & we’re friends. In other cases, we don’t talk. But even if I perceived people to be manipulative, it doesn’t excuse when I was manipulative or put my interests above the feelings of others.

My point is, people can be problematic and manipulative and toxic and they can also want to change. No one’s personality stays one way forever if they want to put in the work. This isn’t a redemption arc, it’s about being human and owning up to the harm that we can cause others.

I’ve learned over the past year that being reactionary & retaliatory to people hurts both me and them. This sounds basic but it’s also how a lot of the industry operates. We’ve seen it this week. It shouldn’t be this way and I’m sorry for feeding the machine through my actions.

TLDR I’m not going to come for anyone without my house in order, even though I have in the past. Not everyone who’s been hurt by someone else wants to reconcile. It’s important to accept that in the accountability conversation, but also to not use that to rest on one’s laurels.

I can only speak for what I want to do going forward & how I want to be treated by those who harmed me. I’m no authority but I think frank conversations between affected parties, if they can be managed w/o more harm, are the ones we need to have around accountability. I’m sorry.