TRIGGER WARNING
Ang Kwento ng mga Hijo at Hija 👩🏾👨🏾‍🦱👧🏾🧑🏾

a thread--
#HijaAko
Ang Mga Hija:

I'll be re-telling my story, and stories of people who consented for theirs to be told. I will not name them to protect their privacy. Pumayag silang sumali dito kasi alam nilang hindi sineseryoso ng iba ang pangyayaring ito
I was 17, it was my ex It started out small: holding hands, kissing, etc Pero after just a few months of dating he started asking for sexual favors.

I didn't know a thing about this so I decided to give it a try. Kaso pagkatapos parang ang dumi ng pakiramdam ko parang may mali
Sinabi ko na sa kanya na hindi ako komportable kaso pinipilit niya parin. Magsisinungaling siya san kami pupunta. Magsisinungaling siya kung ano gagawin namin para magawa lang namin ulit yon

Everytime we did it I asked him to stop kasi I felt uncomfortable

Pero wala ayaw nya
Ilang cases na muntikan niya na ipasok. Kahit asa baba lang pamilya niya. Wala siyang pake.

Nagmakaawa na ako na itigil na namin kasi it went against my beliefs at hindi talaga ako komportable tas nagulat ako iniyakan niya ko
Hindi niya daw kayang wala yon sa relasyon namin. Kailangan niya daw yon.

Iyak siya nang iyak kasi ayaw niyang mawala yon samin. Ako naman di ko alam paano ako mag-rereact. Feeling ko ako may kasalanan. Bakit kasi ayaw ko ganon. may mali ba sakin hahaha
Then there was one afternoon, may fair sa school.

He was feeling bad. I was worried. He was a little suicidal and he wanted to drink. Feel ko di ko kayang iwanan siya on his own like that kaya sumama ako. pero at the time masama pakiramdam ko kaya bumili ako ng pepper spray.
We drank, we talked, we laughed, and we eventually fell asleep. Akala ko yun lang yon kaya napalagay na loob ko. Kaso I still hid the pepper spray under the pillow just in case.

Kaso noong nagising na siya

He wanted to have fun naman na
And here ladies, gents, and everything in-between, is something you must know.

You can consent to kissing but not consent to sex.

This may be mind blowing for some of you but this is true.
We didn't drink much, I made sure of that. We didn't even get through half. But he was more aggressive this time.

He hoisted me up and tried taking me to the bathroom and I tried to struggle free. When I managed to get down I slapped him in the face.

I was scared
He was shocked. He said sorry.

Ako, I just wanted to go home. Ayoko na. Takot na ko. Nabuhat niya ko. Wala nagawa pepper spray ko.

I told him I wanted to go home pero he insisted I finished him off first. So I did. Ginawa ko na para makauwi na ako.
After that the days were a blur. I wrote everything down because I didn't want to forget. It felt important. But I didn't know why.

It was only days later when I asked one of my friends to read my entry did I realize it could've been called rape.
The rest of the school year I became depressed. I wasn't me anymore. I was the talk of the room pa. Some blamed me, some blamed him, some even said that it was both our faults

'You could've said no'

'minsan nadadala lang talaga sa emosyon ang lalaki'

was it true?
Kaya kahit graduating na ko at ilang months na lang bago graduation, nag leave of absence ako.

I dropped all my subjects. Hindi dahil sa babagsak ako or dahil sabi ng doctor ko. Ako na mismo pumiling lumayo. I needed time to think. Kasi sobra sobra na
I'm sharing my story para malaman ninyong hindi tamang pilitin kayong gawin ang mga bagay na ayaw niyo. Kahit sino man sila.

Consent to one does not mean consent to another

No means no
Juana:

She was 8 years old when it first happened. Siya lang yung babae sa kanilang magpipinsan. Tas pinagtripan siya. Lahat sila. Isa-isa. Neneng nene pa siya non hindi niya alam na na-assault na siya
When she was 13 she had a male bestfriend that she trusted.

Isang araw pumunta siya sa bahay nila para magpa-print kasi nag-offer bestfriend niyang tumulong. Sila lang dalawa sa bahay. Unti-unti siyang nilambing. Tas binuhat siya.
Maliit lang si Juana at sobrang tangkad at laki ng katawan nung bestfriend niya. Di siya makagalaw due to shock. Then one thing led to another. Her shirt was on the floor She was wearing a long skirt pa with shorts on pero that did nothing

At 13 she was raped by her bestfriend
She stopped wearing skirts after that. Always preferred baggy clothes. But even with the baggy boyish clothes, she was still being molested by those around her.
Juana wanted to share her story kasi

Bata pa lang siya ginawa na sa kanya yon

Kahit matalik na kaibigan niya, ginawa sa kanya yon

And even when she stopped DRESSING in skirts GINAWA SA KANYA YON.

It didn't matter kahit bata siya, or kakilala niya o ano na suot niya.
Eya:

Ginawa to sa kanya ng boyfriend niya, someone she trusted, and loved.

Nakahubad na sila nun pero ayaw niyang ipasok, at wala siyang sinabi sa boyfriend niya na pwede.

Pero ang nangyari, nung nakahiga na siya, nagulat siya kasi bigla na lang pinasok ng boyfriend niya.
After nun umiyak siya kasi she felt violated. Nasaktan siya kasi di na siya virgin nang hindi niya naman gusto, pero wala lang sa boyfriend niya yun.
Eya wanted to share her story kasi

You can be harassed even by people you trust, and even by people you love.

silence is not consent. Silence never equates to a yes. Consent must always be asked for and must be explicit.
Ang Kwento ng mga Hijo:

Sa dami dami ng naririnig nating balita na nangyayaring harassment sa babae. We must not forget it happens to MEN too.

We must remove the stigma. We must acknowledge that it happens
Owen:
While on an errand he saw their local barber. Nagkwentuhan sila saglit tas when it seemed appropriate to leave nagpaalam na siya

but before leaving the man grabbed his balls and squeezed them

He felt violated and confused so he never told anyone
Then when he got to jhs, he got harassed again, this time by his male teacher.
Every so often the teacher would message him asking how big his dick was.

He didn't know how to respond too. SO he just did his best to be diplomatic
Even though you don't hear it as much, Owen's experiences are common. As we raise the concern that rape is caused by rapist we should also acknowledge sexual abuse is caused by abusers.

Regardless of gender
In 2016, there were 9324 reported rape cases in the philippines according to the PSA. According to the US DOJ almost 80% of cases go unreported. And with quarantine, rape cases and domestic violence are growing
It's beyond wrong to blame the survivor on what an abuser has done. We need to create a shift in perspective.

Stop teaching your children that they can 'prevent' rape by acting a certain way.

Teach them IT IS A CONSCIOUS ACTION
Change the language of how you talk about it don't say

'A woman was raped'

instead say

'A man raped a woman'

Yes, I know it can go both ways but the key here is to focus on the abuser and not the survivor
Teach them RAPE IS CAUSED BY RAPISTS.

It is a CHOICE they choose

Teach them to hold themselves and their friends ACCOUNTABLE

Teach them we are not the same as animals following 'instinct'

We are humans capable of thought
If some people can't process what consent is, they're worse than animals.
It's time to shed conservative notions that sex shouldn't be talked about.

We must start having these difficult conversations.

We should invest in sex education to lessen the chance for abuse and accidental pregnancies
I know a tweet can only reach so far but I'm trying my best to contact and make plans with other figures and orgs to provide better sex education to the Philippines.

I hope this thread gives you a chance to empathize with those around you.
You can follow @direk_aly.
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