Had a weirdly recent moment w/ my mom when she was like “raising daughters is hard because they can get pregnant!”

My response: “And what about the sons who can get girls pregnant?”

“Well that’s different.”

???

Which reminds me of this time in HS when I thought I might’ve had a UTI & she was like “HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN, EMMA?”

so UTIs occur for many reasons. I definitely had not been sleeping around, but I knew then & there that she’d lose all respect for me if I did

Oh & the best part is that i went to the dr. & it wasn’t even a uti. Really, I should’ve never told her something felt off because it was the opposite of helpful.

Don’t you love discovering repressed memories that still feed your shame 10yrs later? So. Fun.

If I ever project uhh the opposite (?) of body shame it’s probably bc I’m trying to shed that leftover ickiness I was raised with. She seemed to think the puberty education class at my elementary school was silly & unnecessary? (Though I was still allowed to attend, thank god.)

Then when I turned 21 & had to go in for my first adult checkup she was like “I am soooo sorry you have to do this” but it was not a big deal to me at all. she kept expressing this weird sympathy even when I made it v clear medical exams didn’t bother me.

Anyway, I’m gonna delete this thread tomorrow. Just dealing with lots of feelings & shame spirals on this blessed evening.

Part of this is that I’m fairly certain she wouldn’t be so terrified of her daughter’s bodies without the influence of the church, which makes me fucking angry at the church. What else is new.