Thread by @puma_legal, My family lawyer is a newby, barely called to the bar a [...]

My family lawyer is a newby, barely called to the bar a year. He’s smart and works hard, plus I know his mentor so I know he’s got experience to help him.

But I’m pretty sure I’m his first client with depression/anxiety/ptsd.

Of course I’ve been a DSM5 disaster most my life, so

I can recognize that my anxiety is the culprit when the form he sent me has been sitting on my desk for weeks

I can explain to him what I can and can’t do, what triggers will give me a roadblock that will take time to pull down, why he gets responses back from me in weird chunks

I can training-wheel him through representing a “only functional on the outside” client so he’s equipped for the one later who hasn’t had the opportunity to build their own toolbox. I don’t mind. I been raising baby lawyers forever, I can teach this one while he gets me divorced

CW
But what I can’t do is explain to him how invisible and insidious psychological abuse can be.

I know he’s seen the impact of domestic violence already in his young practice. But I don’t think he’s seen psychological/emotional abuse when it’s not been accompanied by physical

CW: abuse
And I don’t know how to explain to him that I can’t just “suggest a reasonable compromise”

Because somehow that suggestion will be twisted around to portray me as controlling or petty

Because of course this is all my fault

Everything is my fault

It’s always my fault

CW: verbal / emotional abuse
I’m unreasonable

I’m not being fair

I’m keeping him from his kid

I should be paying *him* alimony

I ruined his life

Everything was perfect

Why am I trying to hurt him again

I’ve taken everything from him

I’m wrong

And it’s all my fault

CW
I am only JUST NOW able to articulate TO MYSELF that THIS SHIT WAS NOT MY FAULT.

I can only now see that every moment of my every day was controlled

I’m only just coming to terms with the realization that I gave and gave and he took and then shamed me for not giving more

CW
Remember the night I got second degree burns to the palm of my hand? Was referred to the care of a plastic surgeon?

I had to call my brother to drive me to the hospital because ex was too tired and besides, I was the one who burned myself why should he lose sleep.

When my grandmother was removed from life support and I was sitting on the floor in her hospital room, and he called to make sure I’d be home in time to put our child to bed because he had league pool scheduled and couldn’t miss it

When I was singing out loud in the car last week and had to pull over because I was suddenly bawling my eyes out

because I realized it was the first time in almost 20 years I’d sung more than two bars before being told to stop because I “couldn’t sing”

How the fuck do I explain to my baby lawyer that asking me to just send ex an email asking him to switch weekends is 1) impossible 2) going to make me puke

How do I get through this divorce

He’s going to lose his mind when he gets served with the claim

I can’t

How stop him taking a wrecking ball to the frame wall I’ve finally started building

How do I survive this

I can’t prove anything. It’s all in my head. I’m unreasonable...

One day he’s gonna find out I’m queer

I’m so afraid he’ll make an application stating that I’m an unfit parent because of it

I’m so afraid the court will agree

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