TW: meltdown, ableism, police
I'm (Anonymous) back. I wasn't able to tweet while hosting yesterday, thanks to an incident that drove a meltdown. It was a difficult day, and I'm better today. I want to write about the incident generally, as well as what helped and what didn't 1/19

I've received support online and via phone ( @LifelineAust for Australian followers). The first person I spoke to at Lifeline after the incident wasn't particularly helpful to me, as I found they weren't quite grasping what was going on, and had trouble listening empathically 2/19

and were giving advice that I didn't find helpful. I felt really unheard. Thankfully, I was able enough at the time to ask if I could speak to someone else, and wish them a good day before hanging up and calling back. The second person I spoke to at Lifeline was very 3/19

empathic, gentle, and kind, and listened well, whilst also commending me for the steps I'd taken to handle the situation, as well as checking in about the next steps I needed to take. Their support was great, because mid meltdown, it was really very difficult for me to have 4/19

too much input, and judgement very definitely doesn't help. I realise that everyone's needs are different and what worked and didn't work for me may not be helpful to hear, or may not work for others. I'm sharing this because meltdowns look different for everyone. I may have 5/19

looked, to those around me at the time, like someone who was being aggressive or overreacting. I could not communicate to the people demanding information from me, as it didn't feel safe to, and it certainly didn't feel safe to disclose that I was autistic, especially when I 6/19

was receiving an attitude of blame towards me from the medical personnel involved. I even had one medical person tell me to go buy a bottle of water when I asked for some for my young daughter, whilst waiting for the police, that I'd requested several times, to attend. 7/19

Another person who came to ask if I was ok, and identified herself as a doctor, kept patronisingly telling me she could see I was distressed, but wouldn't listen to my fears about the security guards involved, and treated me as though I was the aggressor. When she directed 8/19

me towards one of the security guards involved in the group who'd been aggressive towards me, and I specifically stated the abusive and aggressive action he'd taken, and that I didn't feel safe being near him, she had nothing to say. I immediately (and obviously) began to 9/19

hyperventilate, and she just walked away. Despite seeing my fear and hyperventilation. That compounded my distress. Unfortunately, there was no CCTV footage of the incident, so I was left feeling further vulnerable and helpless, and worried about what would have been stated 10/19

by those involved, as security clearly gave a very different story about their actions to the police, and there were apparently no other witnesses. I also started to later doubt myself, and my protective actions, based upon the story the police were given by those involved. 11/19

I think I'm most shocked by the actions of the doctor who witnessed my fear of the security guards, and resulting hyperventilation, who simply chose to walk away. I suppose it's naive to expect someone medically trained to realise someone is having a meltdown, but I assumed 12/19

they'd at least recognise hyperventilation, and offer some kind of help.

I've never had an incident like this occur, that included medical staff, and no medical staff willing to recognise or help. That's still quite perplexing to me. I couldn't disclose that I am autistic 13/19

as my young daughter was with me, and she doesn't know, and I feel the added pressure of keeping it from her for now, due to the family law system, and her other parent's disordered and abusive use of the system. I also feel conflicted about disclosing, as it almost feels 14/19

like blaming autism for being so distressed, when the actions of others, the situation itself, is what caused the distress. I think my distress / meltdown may have occurred faster, because I'm autistic (and everyone is under added pressure at the moment due to covid) 15/19

but I'm still aware of the ableism surrounding autism, and a variety of disability, and mental health issues. I don't want my being autistic being used as a way to downplay the distress I'm experiencing in a situation, or to negate the impact the experience had on me. 16/19

I'm sharing this, not to seek empathy, although that is definitely welcome, but because I think speaking up will help me, and hopefully help others. To give a window into the wrong way to go about responding to someone in distress and the complexities around public distress 17/19

and disclosure, especially due to the fear of ableism and its intersection with family law in Australia.

I don't know if this thread has been clear, or gets my points across, but I guess I'm asking the community for ideas about how to handle this. In situations of extreme 18/19

distress, do you generally choose to disclose any mental health or disability or ND issues or diagnoses you might have?

Do you find disclosing, if you can, has been helpful or made things worse?

If you feel comfortable sharing, I'd love to hear from you about this. 19/19