Read on Twitter
I've had to sit here all day, thinking about utter bullshit.
5.5 years ago, I had a major abdominal surgery. Inches of intestine were removed and I was in the hospital for a month trying to train my digestive system to work again.
At the time, the woman I loved was my anchor.
5.5 years ago, I had a major abdominal surgery. Inches of intestine were removed and I was in the hospital for a month trying to train my digestive system to work again.
At the time, the woman I loved was my anchor.
I focused on my belief in the potential of our future together, and that was my fulcrum for survival.
1.5 years after the surgery - 4 years ago, to this day - that same woman physically assaulted me (the 2nd time).
All of it was awful.
1.5 years after the surgery - 4 years ago, to this day - that same woman physically assaulted me (the 2nd time).
All of it was awful.
Trigger warnings: domestic violence descriptors, pictures
Trigger warning: heavy energy from this thread that you may not want in your day.
For those who care, that means a lot, so bear with me.
Trigger warning: heavy energy from this thread that you may not want in your day.
For those who care, that means a lot, so bear with me.
All of it was awful. This time, she was stone-cold sober. She pulled out a handful of hair, again. There was a small moment where I broke free of her grip, faced her down, and said "I am NOT the one."
She advanced on me. Fury, fists, and fingernails.
She advanced on me. Fury, fists, and fingernails.
My face was smashed and scratched up bloody from this second assault. I still have a scar near my eye.
The hair on that side of my head was a lot longer the day before.
The hair on that side of my head was a lot longer the day before.
The first assault was in March of 2016. She was black-out drunk, and tried to to pull me around by my hair for almost an hour while insulting me. She only stopped because a neighbor intervened.
She wanted a violent reaction from me, but I just took all of this. Just took it.
She wanted a violent reaction from me, but I just took all of this. Just took it.
I was on the ground, reeling from what just happened to my face, not knowing how to defend myself at this point.
My back was against the wall, next to a wide sliding door frame.
My abdomen was exposed, both my hands were on the floor.
My back was against the wall, next to a wide sliding door frame.
My abdomen was exposed, both my hands were on the floor.
I wish I could forget this. I wish none of it ever happened, I wish I had this experience removed from my understanding of what is possible in this world.
Three kicks. Three brutal toe kicks. Directly into the area of the surgery.
Three kicks. Three brutal toe kicks. Directly into the area of the surgery.
I don't remember the pain. I remember the disgusting feeling of my descending colon shifting and collapsing.
Around 4 months after the surgery, I regained slight feeling in the area. Feint, reactionary movements which had to be manipulated to get the digestive process rolling.
Around 4 months after the surgery, I regained slight feeling in the area. Feint, reactionary movements which had to be manipulated to get the digestive process rolling.
Those kicks did not cause shocking pain. I felt something inside me shut off. Those feint peristaltic movements were gone. The polite static energy I was growing in my pelvic floor was gone. It still is.
Half of my pelvis is dead, and I have to use a machine to get food through.
Half of my pelvis is dead, and I have to use a machine to get food through.
Immediately after the kicks - immediately, as though it was in one motion - she grabbed my hair again & smashed my skull into the door-frame a few times.
She laughed, sat down, started reading a book. I sat there, a pile of myself, for about 20 minutes, until the cops came.
She laughed, sat down, started reading a book. I sat there, a pile of myself, for about 20 minutes, until the cops came.
The police knew she was the aggressor - I was unkempt, bleeding, bruised. Clothes torn, head reeling. Meanwhile, her outfit, body, hair - pristine.
I did not press charges - in part because of a personal belief that state violence is not the solution to other violence.
I did not press charges - in part because of a personal belief that state violence is not the solution to other violence.
After I declined to press charges, they assumed I was violent *too* and made me leave my home. She stayed.
I was now being treated as the aggressor, despite finding a place within myself to not react to my body being attacked.
I was forced to leave my home after this.
I was now being treated as the aggressor, despite finding a place within myself to not react to my body being attacked.
I was forced to leave my home after this.
I didn't press charges, so the only records that any of the three assaults happened are scars, memories, & police reports.
My health situation's been complicated from birth. The surgeries I've had are battles to get through and heal from every time, & 2014 was the hardest one.
My health situation's been complicated from birth. The surgeries I've had are battles to get through and heal from every time, & 2014 was the hardest one.
I didn't press charges because I didn't want this Black woman's life to be officially ruined by the state.
I didn't have health insurance at the time. I was in the ER three weeks after the assault, in a pain-filled panic, desperately concerned about another septic obstruction.
I didn't have health insurance at the time. I was in the ER three weeks after the assault, in a pain-filled panic, desperately concerned about another septic obstruction.
My foolish ass relied on her for help again. Instead of driving / ordering ride-share 8 blocks to the ER in an emergency, she put me in an ambulance despite knowing I didn't have health insurance. July 3rd, 2016.
I was in too much pain, I was not in a decision-making place.
I was in too much pain, I was not in a decision-making place.
The City of Sacramento has me in collections (something like $5000) over that ambulance ride. She made an emergency call on MY phone, knowing I was incapacitated and uninsured.
I'm glad my nights no longer feature nightmares of the depth of cruelty this person is capable of.
I'm glad my nights no longer feature nightmares of the depth of cruelty this person is capable of.
2016 was my 2020, but it wasn't just isolation and quarantine - those were side effects of being a burden to be around for friends, colleagues, family. Even if I pretend that my energy isn't heavy as fuck, I still have to lose a good portion of my days to disability management.
1st pic: This is where I was kicked in June of 2016. This x-ray was taken last year, and I'm anxious to get another look now that I've been targeting productive techniques to open up the area naturally.
2nd & 3rd pics: This is what the skin looked like for years after the kicks
2nd & 3rd pics: This is what the skin looked like for years after the kicks
