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I was 8 it started with my cousin who touched me I was scared so I pretended I be asleep #SouthSudaneseSurvivor
After my mother’s passing I became a target.... many men along with older girls who played the gate keepers to their twisted game of molestation used my body for their pleasure
I was 9 when the abuse stopped only because I got out of Kakuma but at 11 uncle Milk from my country ass foster home in Brandon Mississippi kissed me on the lips while we were out fishing
I thought of myself as the problem that maybe I attracted sexual spirit and the church didn’t help, I was made to believe than saying “no” was wrong by my abusers and the church told me sex was wrong.... I felt like a whore for being sexually abused
I felt sick because I never gave my body to anyone yet my body had been used long before I could even desire to be touched and now my faith tells me that what happened to me was my fault and I should pray for forgiveness
At 21 I fail in love and had consensual sex but I felt like shit because the church said it was wrong, I cried at the alter asking for forgiveness.... these mental fuck ups are the lasting effects of rape and molestation... I still deal with them now
My than fiancé cheated on me and a church elder told me that it was my fault because I opened the door for sexual sins by having sex with him.... this was a trigger for me undoing years of thereapy and bringing me back to 8 year old me
Eventually I made a deal with myself and decided to take my body back and to own it and finally embrace it as the sexual bing that I am on my own terms and I learned to see sex as part of who we are as humans and to not allow anyone to tell me what I can or...
Can not do with it! I am a sexually liberated woman and I refuse to allow my abusers to win over my body and over my sexuality.... my traumatic experience do NOT define me and I’ll live my life on my terms and not theirs!
