delighted to report that I have cleared the CSS exam and am going to take my rightful place as king of pakistan.

My initial acts

1. Do away with phrases such as 'kindly intimate', 'pl do the needful', 'what is your good name dear'

2. generate wider acceptance that saying inshallah does indeed mean you don't plan on doing something

3. appointing @smqasimahsan to the much vaunted Ministry of Indecision. His opinion on most things is "it depends"

4. give @kfc_pk such subsidies and tax benefits as befit a true and proper institution.

5. make combined rickshaw and cycle lanes. Then let's see how badly all these green thumbs want them

6. make ptv great again

7. limit actual servants to only using twitter for work on not to play at doing their jobs

8. give myself the raise i truly deserve

9. showing how truly pakistani i am buy jacking up prices of corner plots

10. flyovers for every household!

11. rectifying the chip karachi has on it's shoulder despite being such a great, cosmopolitan city by giving them altaf hussain back and watch them have to nurse that man baby sayaapa

12. Aitchisonians (except myself of course) to be banned from any kind of meaningful statecraft

13. give myself a national mute button to all tv channels. Or at least, ask @ ISPR to hand it over from time to time

14. give these paindoo aguncies some classy buildings, inn ka architectural scope 2001 cybernet office/comsats say kabhi nahi nikla

15. Gen Bajwa kay tyre ka kuch karna hai, national emergency fund appeal to get the man a fitbit

16. Bring back the long haired, starry eyed hobo who did coke studio well.

17. Subsequent to point 16, second Momina Mustehsan to Marvel "with great power comes great responsibility" my ass

18. Send the 3 people (so far) on whom the intense silliness of this thread was lost, back to school

19. Commission a much needed report into the history, current status and future trajectory of the chicken tikka

20. Export Saqib Nisar. Permanently.

21. Retain @fawadchaudhry as minister for science and discuss proposals for jettisoning that half wit committee of mullahs to the moon so they can see it whilst navel-gazing

22. relinquish pakistan's tenuous claim on the Koh-i-Noor diamond as long as they take full responsibilities for Mirpur

23. Delegate to my high commissioner in London that I want him to cut off ties with anyone that says bruv or innit

24. provide a weekly chicken tikka leg piece to every citizen, Jehangir Tareen's fortune to help fund this in perpetuity. In return discussions around clemency for this sugar business may be considered

25. make add maths compulsory, that shit was good

26. set up national nike run club group so qasim and I have other people to compete with

27. Invite Trump to Pakistan when he's finally booted from office (Biden 2020 baby) - give him a show on ARY. Dekhna qaum zaleel hai, sab say popular wohi show ho ga

28. Change PIA's slogan from "great people to fly with" to "aaja nee baija cycle tay?"

29. Prepare to crush popular opposition in the form of Shahid Afridi (oh yes bachoo he's coming) by printing big flex of this picture to cover islamabad. Thereby solving 2 problems with one

30. Commemorating 17th August as National #thankyouanwarrataul Day