1/13 Boris insults:

Boris has Van Gogh’s ear for music and Einstein's looks. He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. He's the human form of a shiver looking for a spine to run up. Not only dull himself but he inspires dullness in others. He also has delusions of adequacy

02/13 Stop picking on Boris, It's not his fault he's incompetent, dull and fickle. So what if he'd struggle to pour water out of a boot with the directions on the bottom. Intelligence, ability and leadership are not essential to being PM - Just ask Theresa May or David Cameron.

03/13 Fairplay Boris does the work of three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly. If what you don’t know can’t hurt you, Boris is practically invulnerable. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean. The closest he’ll ever get to a brainstorm is a slight drizzle.

04/13 Boris has reached rock bottom and now shows signs of starting to dig. I’d like to see things from his point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass. I’d rather pass a kidney stone than listen to him. If idiots could fly, Tory HQ would be a bloody airport.

05/13 Boris, as useful as a rubber beak to a woodpecker. Any similarity between Boris and humans is purely coincidental. He has diarrhoea of the mouth and constipation of the brain. Doesn’t know the meaning of the word decency, then again he doesn’t know the meaning of most words

06/13 Boris looks like a before picture. Considering there are trees tirelessly producing oxygen for him, I think he owes them an apology. I love to shop, but I wouldn't buy a thing Boris says. People like Boris are the reason God doesn't talk to us anymore. Sentient ham...

07/13 Boris is not completely useless, he at least serves as a bad example. He recently thought he'd invented a new word: Plagiarism! I rarely agree with him as then we'd both be wrong. I wish he'd visit the restaurant called Karma, there's no menu, you just get what you deserve.

08/13 What Boris lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity. His mother wanted to hire someone to take care of him but the Mafia wanted too much. Most people live and learn, Boris just lives. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, Boris only gargled.

09/13 Once happy with their lot getting shat on by crows in a wheat field, they now seem to be rising to prominent positions in society. I've been warning about the take over of society by the scarecrows ever since I watched the documentary Worzel Gummidge, but no one will listen

10/13 People keep telling me Boris is more intelligent than he looks - not hard. Poor trees producing oxygen for him, he owes them an apology. I love to shop, but I wouldn't buy a thing Boris says. People like Boris are the reason God doesn't talk to us anymore. Sentient ham...

11/13 All the things Boris has lost, I think he'll miss his mind the most. People say nothing is impossible, Boris does nothing every day. He has enemies he's also intensely disliked by his friends. Two possibilities: either Boris is an idiot or he is not. Both equally terrifying

12/13 Boris is so dense that light bends around him. Someone should grasp his ears firmly and pull his head from his ass. He should never let his mind wander it’s far too little to be let out alone. He's not obnoxious like some people, he's obnoxious in a far more sinister way!

13/13

I'm not a master poet,
But for the right words, I will hunt.
My apologies for the inference,
But Boris is a...