THREAD:

Almost every gaming group I've been in, and almost every local game shop I've been to, has had That Guy.

If you're any sort of geek right now, you can probably picture him. A little rude. A lot socially awkward. Sometimes says things that make you cringe a little.

Everyone in the group feels a little weird about him, but as you've gotten to know him, you've realized that he's mostly harmless.

He never really crosses the line into overt harassment or racism, and it doesn't seem like he's full of hate - he's just awkward and lonely.

Maybe you've tried to confront him about some of his shittier views, but he got really upset and you dropped it. Or maybe you confronted him and he denied having those views at all - he's just asking questions because debate and intellectual curiosity are important.

Maybe a woman or queer or BIPOC person you know expressed discomfort being in spaces with him, and you told them that it's okay - you know him, he's not racist or sexist, and he has a good heart.

He's just awkward, or going through something, or just needs to find a girlfriend.

Or maybe the women or queer folk or BIPOC folk just keep dropping out of your gaming group or stop coming to your local store and you feel bad about that, but what are you going to do?

This person isn't, like, a RACIST racist, and YOU didn't do anything wrong!

One of the reasons why the gaming community (and the Magic: the Gathering community in particular) is so hostile to people who aren't cishet white guys is that there are SO MANY of these guys, and everyone keeps making excuses for them.

If we want inclusivity, each and every one of us has an obligation to make sure that our gaming circles do not tolerate people who constantly commit microaggressions that are immediately written off or ignored as "not a big deal" by folks who aren't affected by them.

Sometimes it means confronting That Guy about his shitty views.

Sometimes it means expelling That Guy from your store or your gaming group until he grows the hell up.

DO NOT put the onus entirely on the folks who That Guy targets, because they are EXHAUSTED.

YOU have to do it.

We talk about "The Magic Community" as if it is one large cohesive body of people, but in fact it is a series of small local playgroups.

What can you do to help? Confront this stuff in your own backyard. Speak up. Say something. Do something.

Don't let more good people leave.

I said some really toxic shit in my younger years, too. It's also important to be constantly inventorying your own behavior and trying to improve.

Don't feel shame about who you were - feel proud about the person you are striving to become. https://twitter.com/tayatranscends/status/1273321842749521921

One more point since LGS owners are reading this:

Saying something about That Guy feels *very* risky and vulnerable. Most suffer in silence, then leave. Others only say something after it gets REAL bad.

If you get a complaint about a regular, that's the TIP of the iceberg.