Guys: you know that dude who said something creepy about women to you once or twice, but seemed fine after that? That dude was testing you. Pushing your boundaries to see how you'd react, the same way they push the girls they prey on.

With girls, they're testing for vulnerabilities. Will she shut me down when I make this joke? No? Okay, a bit further next time.

With guys, they're looking for allies. Men who see the world the same way they do. People who will cheer on their poor choices.

Creeps know that decent men exist. Men who will judge and look down on them for treating other people poorly. So they test, and when they hit decency, they pull back. They figure out which men can be trusted with their creep behaviour, and which ones they need to hide it from.

I've seen this happen so many times with male friends, guys who are baffled that some other dude pointed out a girl's ass or mentioned the nudes on their phone, not realizing the real question being asked: are you in the creep club too?

I bring this up because decent guys tend to dismiss these interactions as weird one-offs, rather than as potential warnings. Potential: because they can't know how far down that rabbit hole goes. Maybe the other guy just likes to ogle, or boast a bit, and that's their limit.

But sometimes the hole is really deep. So just, keep an eye out, and be aware that you may not be seeing the whole picture. Thanks.

Note: this is analysis of behavior patterns. People who do this may not be thinking of it in this sort of conscious manner. It's just... testing the waters. Same approach you might use to locate secret nerds among your normie coworkers, without freaking out the rest too much.

Also, white people: racists use a similar approach to see if you're okay with their bullshit. Don't be.

To address a few q's in the comments: this is framed for men talking to other men about women because it was inspired by a work situation involving an older man grooming younger women, some underage, and I assumed it would only reach other industry people who had that context.

These are social techniques we use all the time to gauge how well someone's interests & values align with our own, while not committing so strongly that the relationship would have to end if a mismatch was found.

They can help us figure out who can be safely trusted with stuff like sexual orientation or past traumas, which is great, but they can also be used to establish toxic environments of all kinds: homophobia, racism, transphobia, ageism, ableism, and so on.

Using this approach isn't bad, in and of itself, but it's worth noting the kinds of things that people bring up and the boundaries they're trying to push - both for being aware of potential issues, and being there when your friends might need support.