All right, here is my Bryan Singer/Superman Returns story.

It's weird. It also has no punchline.

Here we go.

1/

Here's a thing. I am, with these characters, a comics fan first and a movie fan second. If a bad movie is made of characters I like, it bugs me, but it doesn't spoil the character for me. I still like Green Lantern. I still like Catwoman. The movie doesn't matter to me.

2/

When I LOVE a superhero movie, that's awesome, I get very happy.

And I thought I was going to love Superman Returns. The allegations against Bryan Singer hadn't yet come to light, and I love the Usual Suspects and the first X-Men film.

So I was excited.

3/

For whatever reason, I get invited to do a LOT of documentaries and 'Making Of' things, even though I am pretty shy. I turn the vast majority down, I don't care about celebrity in that way, even the tiny celebrity-by-osmosis of something like this.

4/

But the Superman Returns people sent an incredibly gracious invitation for me to come talk about Superman for a promotional documentary they were doing about the film, Superman Returns. It was clear the writer of the note knew me and knew my work, it was a lovely letter.

5/

And the truth is, I like to see creative stuff succeed, DC was and still is my creative comfort space, they've been great to me. So I agreed.

But beyond all that, I just really love Superman and Lois Lane. It's hard to explain, but fans know what I mean.
I love 'em.

6/

Most of these things are shot on the cheap and are done in a hurry. Which is fine.

Not Superman Returns.

They flew us in, had an actual limo pick us up, not a 'town car,' but a limo-type-limo. It's in Hollywood, lovely catering table, I mean, someone spend $$$.

7/

I'd never really spent any time in Hollywood except for meetings and theme parks, I'd never gone to do the sights. I had no idea it was so grungy, but they were working on it.

But the event itself, in a studio, was lovely and posh.
Hair and makeup people, all very nice.

8/

Now when we arrive, we have a contact person, and the first thing I notice is, every one of Bryan's assistants is a type, a bit. Really good-looking sort of posh hipster, in a nice way, all young guys. Every one.

Couldn't be nicer, could not be friendlier. But a type! :)

9/

So I get there, and remember, I've only written a few issues of Action Comics and JL, and stuff, it's not like I'm some huge star in the Superman world.

But the PR people were awesome, they made a bigger fuss over the comic people than the ACTUAL celebrities there that day.

10/

I got shown some concept art, which looked fantastic, we had to sign a bunch of NDA stuff. But the sketches looked gorgeous. So I was excited.

We get set up and they've taken up a big big soundstage, have had great backdrops made professionally, it looks amazing.

11/

So I have absolutely NOTHING but kind things to say about that whole experience. The PR people were wonderful and effusively kind, talked about my comics, brought some for me to sign, gave me swag, interviewer was lovely. I am not a fan of these things but they were great.
12/

They just let me talk about Superman. Now, I have a LOT to say about Superman, and Lois. I love them. I don't find them boring, I think they're just the coolest. You just have to have faith.

So I talked about it a lot, I was very enthusiastic as I'd just seen the sketches.
13/

They keep telling me how great I was in the interview, how my positivity and talk about Superman as a romantic hero is just what they're going for.

And I'm happy, I'm thinking, HEY! This movie's going to be GREAT!

14/

I can't remember for sure, I think they paid some sort of stipend or something. That bit is vague, but it wasn't expected.

And they say, "we also rented the limo and driver for the entire day and evening, so he'll drive you anywhere you'd like to go, if that's okay."

15/

It was probably the first time a movie studio treated me like that, like someone important, so it might've turned my head a bit, I don't know. I just remember trying to understand what was happening.

But overall, I was happy, it was just a very nice day.

Then.

16/

Two of the assistants (I don't know their title and mean no offense by this), who were the nicest and who really acted like genuine fans, pull me aside conspiratorially.

And they go, "Gail, we're not supposed to, but we're going to tell you the plot, and you'll LOVE it."

17/

I mean, they are genuinely enthused. This discussion is clearly 'off the clock.'

Remember, ALL the buzz at the time was that this was supposed to feel almost like a direct sequel to the original Superman film, the first Christopher Reeve movie, right?

18/

So I'm thinking YES! A romance, that's funny, with a Margot Kidder-esque Lois, and a do-what's-right Superman and OH MY GOD that sounded amazing.

Then they tell me the plot.

And they are practically giggling, they are so excited.

19/

And I am not exaggerating. It's LITERALLY stuff like this.

"And Lois gets pregnant and Superman leaves Earth and..."

"Lois is depressed and really struggling and..."

"This doesn't have all those corny jokes, it's really moody..."

20/

And I'm not even kidding, I am SPEECHLESS.

I am just staring at them like they're aliens.

They could not be lovelier or kinder or more sincere.

But all I can think is, "OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE."

21/

You made SUPERMAN a DEADBEAT DAD?

You made LOIS a mopey MOPESTER?

WHY IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU THINK I WILL LOVE THIS

22/

My husband says I just STARED at them in shock but they were on an event high and just thought that meant I was speechless in a GOOD way.

Eventually, they give me a bunch of hugs and they're so happy and again, they couldn't be sweeter people.

But.

Heart.

BROKEN.

23/

And @rocketspouse says I just stood there watching them walk away and I said without turning around or blinking...

"Oh my god, this thing is going to bomb so bad."

24/

So that was it. All the great sketches in the world, all the design work, all the talent, it makes no difference if the heart isn't there.

And the heart wasn't anywhere NEAR that movie.

I was crushed, like, surprisingly sad.

25/

We had the limo, the driver was awesome. We were tooling around Hollywood in a studio-paid limo. We saw all the sights, we had hot pot lunch near that famous theater, saw fake Spidey, it should have been a blast.

But it was a bummer and we sent the driver home.

26/

To this day, Superman Returns is one of the few superhero movies I've only watched once. I've seen CATWOMAN twice for God's sake.

I almost felt a bit complicit because I was so excited in the interview.

I know it has fans, maybe it's better than I remember.

27/

But it always makes me think, these characters belong to a corporation, sure. But they also belong to the world.

They also belong at least a little bit to the kids who love them.

If you don't value the character, don't make the movie, it's that simple.

28/

Anyway, HEY! That story wasn't as humorous as I remembered!

When my hubby tells it, he does this imitation of me with shell shock saying the movie was going to bomb and it's hilarious. SO IMAGINE THAT INSTEAD OF SAD TWEETS.

:)

29/

The upside is, I think they get it, now. Even if they aren't your favorite, movies like Deadpool, Avengers, Shazam, Wonder Woman, Birds of Prey, Aquaman, Spider-man, they clearly show you can treat the characters with love and still have fun at the theater.

So that's a win!

30/

Also, that part of Hollywood was really grimy back then. I've heard they've cleaned it up some, but we were surprised.

It felt like an omen. :)

Anyway, GOOD MORNING!

end/