The #confederacy is going to tear my family apart.

Seriously tho—I’m being shunned by members of my family for daring to think, #BlackLivesMattters and that maybe great uncle #RobertELee was a traitor to this nation.

Somehow these beliefs also make me “unpatriotic”.

My favorite part of the argument is that this Lee descendant’s opinion doesn’t count and he shouldn’t be listened to because my very loyal family members have, and I quote, “never met him.”

https://twitter.com/roblee4/status/1270837967632941056?s=21 https://twitter.com/roblee4/status/1270837967632941056

Hold up, Twitter ... WHAT did Trump say about the confederacy? My original tweet seems to have been much more timely than I thought.

We are celebrating my son’s second birthday today.
Because of #COVID, it’s a virtual party. Because of my support in taking down the #RobertELee statue in #RVA (and my decision to speak out against #racism) a couple have RSVPed “No”.

Even so, #BlackLivesMatter

Virtual birthday parties are awkward but thankfully no one went into a rant about hate vs heritage. #COVID19

The shunning continues. I think what makes me angriest is seeing how it affects the littlest members of our family. My son asked me this weekend, “C’ying?” for the first time. My nieces knocked on a door that never opened and cried wondering what they did wrong.

Meanwhile, social media is being used to communicate how much better life is without us. It’s so petty yet infuriating.

It’s been 14 days since my family fell apart over #racism. I’m not ok.

At long last, the shunning was lowered just long enough for us to be told that these family members know they’re being childish but we just need to let them be.

Um, no. They don’t get a pass for hurting us because they’re hurting over being confronted with the truth.

Tbh, still smarting too because in addition to the #racism division in our family, these same members shunning us are also perpetuating #Antisemitic propaganda on their social media pages, and not only is that wrong, I take personal offense because my husband and son are Jewish.

The rest of the fam seems only able to focus on the racism issues right now, not the anti Semitism. Don’t blame them—it’s a lot to deal with.

But I need to know my son is safe.

Hey, look! Nazi paraphernalia being used by the Trump campaign.

https://twitter.com/hkrassenstein/status/1273592600994484224?s=21 https://twitter.com/HKrassenstein/status/1273592600994484224

This is why, when I woke up at 4 am the day after Election Day 2016, and I read who was our new president, my husband and I cried.

Update:

Nothing to report. The shunning continues.

My soul hurts. #racismisavirus

Update:

It’s just getting worse.

As I type this, I’m crying. #Racism is evil. Satan is a liar intent on destroying those we hold dear.

I’m so tired. I’m so embarrassed. I’m so hurt.

I don’t know what to do. We’re never coming back from this as a family.

Update:

There are two camps in this family fight. And the division is between those who served overseas in missions and those who remained behind and grew bitter that the rest of us weren’t here in the States with them.

A couple of us in the missions camp have tried to reach out to the American camp. But no matter what is said, how it is shared, the American camp doesn’t seem to understand or want to accept that they’re in the wrong. Or even that their words and actions have cause division.

Instead, they seem to think that if there is division in our family, it’s because those of us in the missions camp refuse to conform to the American camp. If there is division, it’s because we won’t take their abuse quietly.

And it is abuse. I hate saying that. I hate thinking these people who have known me since I was a newborn, who gave me hugs and kisses, who loved me, at least once in my life, are abusing us. But the amount of hate and cruelty spewed can’t be denied. Except by the ones doing it.

#FourthofJuly has always been a big deal in my family. Like one-year-after-I-got-married-I-got-“in-trouble”-because-my-husband-and-I-chose-not-to-drive-three+-hours-in-I-95-holiday-traffic-to-celebrate-with-the-rest-of-the-family big deal.

Nothing was planned for this year because COVID and this drama. I tried to reach out to the American camp. I told them I missed them and loved them. Their reply was curt and dismissive, with no “I love you too”. And that hurt.

Maybe I should just give up. Maybe they’re just not worth the hurt and gaslighting.

This passage from the #Bible came to my mind tonight as I was reading and preparing for a small group study this week on #racialreconciliation. I was reading about #Moses & I remembered the weird story about the snakes. This is what happened to the bronze snake generations later

Update: I snapped and clapped back on Facebook. The response was exactly what I should have expected:

*calling them out for lying is too “harsh” and not “of the spirit”

*when I point out that a meme they’ve posted is fake news, I’m apparently attacking them

*I’m hurting them by being so divisive

*i need to be the bigger person and just let it go and let them say and do what they want on social media and in public. It’s not hurting anyone and I’m just making people upset

I honestly can’t care anymore. I can’t. God help me, I can’t take it anymore. If a stupid, lifeless, chunk of metal is worth more than 34+ years of family—if a dead man is the legacy they want to hold onto rather than their own flesh and blood—then fine.

I wish them well. If I ever see them again, I’ll be pleasant. I still love them. But I need boundaries. I need to stop destroying my own soul over this. Jesus, take them for me—I cannot save them.

I can’t keep caring anymore. It’s killing me.

Yesterday, I tried to write down my thoughts in a letter to my family. Matthew 5:23-24 has been stuck in my head and keeps coming up in the most random of conversations. So I tried to write out an apology.

An apology for my most recent outburst but one that did not take on the full responsibility and blame for the schism occurring.

It ... did not go well.

How do I take responsibility for what is mine and not become the scapegoat for the rest of the problem?
Too often I have heard that I need to turn the other cheek, forgive and forget the wrongs people have done to me.

But that doesn’t bring change.

It enables further abuse.

And this reveals further division within my family. Half of us in the missions camp are still in ministry; the rest (me included) are not.
The perception is that those of us not in ministry are bitter, argumentative, and too focused on being “right” rather than loving others.

So it’s incredibly frustrating to be in the situation knowing what the majority believes is that if I just got over all of this and loved my family, we could all move on.

But isn’t accountability, truth speaking, a form of love?

According to some people in my family, speaking truth must be done in love ... and that means dumbing down and softening my words. Don’t rock the boat or you’ll just upset everyone and make it worse.

In the instance earlier this week, I called someone out for “lying.” Apparently I should have used a softer approach.

Like what? False? Fake news? Not true? Isn’t “lying” more direct, more honest? More to the heart of the matter? Isn’t “lying” what all those truly mean?

IDK. All my life I’ve been told I’m too sensitive, too abrasive, too mean, too direct. That I don’t speak in love, that I don’t speak using the fruits of the Holy Spirit.

But then I think, what of Elijah? What of Nathan?

What of Jesus rebuking Satan to Peter’s face?

Anyway ... I don’t really have a home church right now and Covid-19 makes going to people privately so difficult. If you’re still reading this thread and have any suggestions or advice, I’d appreciate it.

I just feel so defeated.