tone policing sucks, but it’s especially frustrating in the work place. i’m already keeping it cute bc i need to keep a roof over my head & yet my nice kindergarten teacher inside voice is still interpreted as “mean/attacking” another ex of why respectability politics are trash

not to mention, anger doesn’t automatically invalidate truth! sometimes anger is needed for our education! sometimes you need to see someone is ANGRY to understand the full weight of a situation/issue & thus take it seriously. Solange was right, “i gotta lot to be mad about”

there’s been a reckoning happening in media over these past few weeks as more Black folks speak out about the mistreatment & racism they’ve experienced in the workplace. sadly we, ESPECIALLY Black women, are used to biting our tounge in order to stay employed & it fucking sucks

i’ve become a pro at the professional email drag where i CC everyone & their mother, largely because i’ve had too many instances where speaking directly to a white co-worker about a grievance has resulted in my words being twisted & described as “an attack” later on

& this is why we need more Black ppl in leadership roles in media & all institutions really. it’s too easy for us to be dubbed as “difficult” when we advocate for ourselves when in reality we’re being viewed through that same racist lens that demands we just roll over & take shit

once at a job we were talking about “PC culture being censorship” after a college rescinded an invite to a speaker. i argued choosing not to hire someone wasnt censorship & my white co-worker told my boss i had SCREAMED “shut the fuck up” in his face when i’d done no such thing

had another instance where a white woman told me another black person had given her an “n word pass” so she was ok to say it. when i told her that person didn’t speak for me & i would rather she not, she broke into tears & told me she felt “scared” to say anything wrong around me

i was working in an office with one other black woman who looked nothing like me but my co-worker kept mixing us up. when i finally told her that woman worked in a different department & we look nothing alike she burst into tears & told me to “stop snapping at her”

will never forget a tv exec telling me i tested well with audiences but “made white men uncomfortable” which then influenced the notes i received on a project. what a time that was.

here’s the screen cap a well known YouTuber used to critique our Decoded ep debunking myths about Black Lives Matter. this person chose the most unflattering screen cap from a DIFFERENT VIDEO just to portray me as angry, when the tone of Decoded is NEVER angry. ever.

i could go on, but just a reminder that Black folks who’re “praised” as “well spoken & nice” have often spent years crafting that voice in order to move through a world that puts them in the “loud, angry & scary” category no matter how they sound or act just bc they’re Black

“From pet to threat...when women, typically Black women, are embraced and groomed by organizations until they start demonstrating high levels of confidence & excel in their role, a transition that may be perceived as threatening by employers.“ https://zora.medium.com/when-black-women-go-from-office-pet-to-office-threat-83bde710332e

like clockwork. please look at how my very calm & tame response to “do me a favor & educate me” was turned into “you’re one of those angry black women”

this is also why i’m not impressed when white folks hold up a token Black person to validate their racist opinions

this thread on tone policing inspired my latest IGTV video “Let’s Talk About Boundaries” it’s ok for you to say NO to certain convos especially if the other person is tone policing or you don’t have time time or energy to engage. watch the full vid here: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CBoaV-3JhaC/?igshid=8sbhkf9h5ztm

the people who are meant to be in your life will respect the boundaries you've set for yourself. if not, that's just proving that the boundary was needed and that person does not deserve access to you.

more thoughts on boundaries and tone policing here: https://www.instagram.com/tv/CBoaV-3JhaC/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link