Alright, time for more church-related vulnerability.

I don't know how to explain this in a way that for sure makes sense, but I'm gonna try.

Rushing forgiveness is not a good thing, and neither is teaching that anger is an emotion we should not allow ourselves to feel.

Being told I shouldn't be angry at someone who was treating me horribly because we are commanded to love one another is what started my long journey into C-PTSD from emotional abuse. I tried to forgive and let go, and that just made me more succeptible to the gaslighting and

manipulation. I let myself be walked on and I became too merciful because I felt guilty for having negative feelings. I was guilted into forgiving before I was ready because I was taught that the well-being of the person doing me harm was dependent on my forgiveness.

Being told I needed to be the bigger person and forgive when I already WAS the bigger person by default (bc I was not being abusive), insinuated that me not immediately forgiving them was on the same level as their abuse, thus furthering the deterioration of my emotional health.

And honestly, that's bullshit. My forgiveness is for me and me alone. The anger I was feeling was valid and needed to be processed instead of rejected. And now the message of "anger is divisive" is coming out and it frustrates me because it's this same concept.

Anger needs to be processed. Forgiveness is important, yes, but it has no influence on the other party's repentance process and those who are being hurt are allowed to process that hurt and forgive on their own time. Forgiveness cannot be rushed.

And yes, holding onto your anger and letting it fester and turn bitter is not healthy, but so is outright rejecting it. If you do not allow yourself or others to process your anger, it will keep coming back and it will keep eating at you and it will start to hurt your loved ones.

Clearly, this relates to the racial tension in the US right now. I am not about to try and tone police or speak for Black people and their anger. I have not experienced their anger, so I have no input for what they do with it.

My point is that the things I learned in church, and the things that are now coming out about anger and the obligation of forgiveness gave me unhealthy views on how to handle both, and can set people up to have unhealthy relationships with negative feelings that are valid.

I'm tired. It's taken me a few days to put this together because I've been having trouble putting the feelings into words and identifying what the feelings are (hi, C-PTSD). I still don't feel like I've said it right, but I wanted to try.

You all have been so kind in your responses and I genuinely wasn't expecting it. Thank you for all your kind words