a thread of hannibal saying or doing shit that make me wanna punch him maybe (mostly his puns but not rlly)

jack: i'm special agent jack crawford, fbi. may i come in?

hannibal: you may wait in the waiting room.

h: franklin, i'll see you next week.

franklyn: y-yes..

h: unless, of course, this is about him.

f: *horrified*

j: no, this is all about you

f: ...

will, eating the breakfast hannibal prepared for him: mm. that's delicious, thank you.

hannibal, watching him eat (what we can only hope Isn't human meat) for too long: my pleasure.

[iconic]

will: I don't find you that interesting.

hannibal: ... you will.

hannibal: you ever have any problems, will?

will: no...

hannibal: of course you don't... you and i are just alike; problem free.

hannibal: nothing about us to feel horrible about. *some more prolongued staring*

abigail: I think you called the house as a serial killer. just like my dad.

hannibal: ... i am nothing like your dad. ()

h: i made a mistake. something easily misconstrued, not unlike yourself.

a: ...

h: ... I'll keep your secret.

a: and i'll keep yours.

jack: what am I about to put in my mouth?

hannibal: rabbit

jack: he shouldve hopped faster

hannibal, chuckling: yes he should have

hannibal: but fortunately for us, he did not

[dinner with jack and bella)

hannibal: for our next course: roasted pork shank.

hannibal: and i assure you, bella, it was an especially supercilious pig.

[iconic]

hannibal, standing close behind will: ... *sniff*

will: ... did you just smell me?

h: difficult to avoid.

h: I really must introduce you to a finer aftershave. that smells like something with a ship on the bottle.

w, dry chuckling: i keep getting it for christmas.

^ cont. ^

hannibal: have your headaches been any worse lately? more frequent?

will: yes, actually.

h: i'd change the aftershave.

alana: i don't think i've ever had tongue before

hannibal: it was a particularly chatty lamb

^ cont. ^

chilton: the romans used to kill flamingos just to eat their tongues

hannibal: don't give me ideas. your tongue is very feisty.

hannibal: and as this evening has already proven, it's nice to have an old friend for dinner.

hannibal: did jack ask you to profile the ripper?

alana: not since i consulted on the case with miriam, before she disappeared.

hannibal: crawford's trainee?

alana: yeah.

hannibal: very sad...

will: *didnt show up to his appointment*

hannibal: ...

hannibal: *goes back to his desk*

hannibal: *contemplates calling will*

hannibal: *checks when the appointment was set for*

hannibal: ...

hannibal: *gets in his car and drives to will*

^ cont. ^

hannibal: I have a 24 hour cancellation policy.

will: ... what time is it?

hannibal: nearly 9 o'clock.

(implying he drove for almost an hour and 20 minutes because will didnt show up to his appointment, i hate him)

hannibal: *looks at the multitude of pictures of crime scenes will has on his desk*

hannibal, holding the picture of miriam lass' severed arm from the bunch: who's this?

^ cont. ^

will: it's jack crawford's trainee. she's not like other victims; the ripper had no reason to humiliate miriam lass

hannibal: seems to me he was humiliating someone.

w: yeah, he was humiliating jack.

h: ... did it work?

( :| )

w: i'd say it worked Really well.

jack: Will, there you are. And dr. lecter, what a surprise. We have a lead.

jack: would you care to, uh, help us catch the ripper?

hannibal, seemingly pleased: how could i refuse?

beverly: is there gps on that ambulance?

guy: mhm

b: encrypted messaging or remote tracking?

g: we cant afford that kind of hardware. we use consumer grade.

b: digital trunk systems. jack?

jack: yeah?

1/2

beverly: if the ambulance radio is on, i can use a df sweep to find it.

jack: good.

hannibal (with a delighted expression on his face, mind you), to will: this is very educational

2/2

*them finding the organ harvester*

jack: I need you to assess the situation here doctor.

hannibal, climbing in the ambulance and looking at what's happening: he was removing his kidney. Poorly.