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"Defense against fragility" is the learnable skill to be able to take feedback from legitimately frustrated marginalized groups.
It's an essential skill for us all to learn. With privilege, we have 2 responsibilities
1) Lend it where possible
2) Defense against fragility
"Defense against fragility" is the learnable skill to be able to take feedback from legitimately frustrated marginalized groups.
It's an essential skill for us all to learn. With privilege, we have 2 responsibilities
1) Lend it where possible
2) Defense against fragility
Most of the feedback is legitimate. Some of it may even be unfounded. It doesn't matter. If you react defensively and shut down the feedback, you may do more harm to the marginalized group, and your brand, than if you had stayed silent.
This is because your defensiveness and lashing out communicates that giving you feedback is not safe.
On the other hand, not being defensive, even on feedback that you feel might be unfair, communicates to everyone, that you have the empathy and composure to hear feedback.
On the other hand, not being defensive, even on feedback that you feel might be unfair, communicates to everyone, that you have the empathy and composure to hear feedback.
I'm a Black man. But as a man, I have significant privilege in many settings.
I gave an inclusion talk and communicated to the audience that my Eng team is 40% women, much higher than industry standard. At Q&A time a woman asked, "40% women? What do you want, a f*cking cookie?"
I gave an inclusion talk and communicated to the audience that my Eng team is 40% women, much higher than industry standard. At Q&A time a woman asked, "40% women? What do you want, a f*cking cookie?"
"I have no cookies for you today. Where's the other 10% assh*le? And maybe your team looks like that, but what about the rest of your company? What about the rest of our industry? How does that help me on my team? Get back to work. Let me know when the industry is 90% women."
I could say, "You're only hurting your allies! I'm one of the good ones!"
I could say, "You can't blame me for what happens on other teams!"
I could say, "No need for language. Let's be civil!"
I could say, "Well! Last talk I do!"
Or I could say, "She's right" and get to work
I could say, "You can't blame me for what happens on other teams!"
I could say, "No need for language. Let's be civil!"
I could say, "Well! Last talk I do!"
Or I could say, "She's right" and get to work
When your brand makes a statement in support of George Floyd, or makes a public commitment to anti-racism...
...you will hear feedback on ways that your brand falls short of its aspirations to be anti-racist.
The overwhelming majority of this feedback will be legitimate.
...you will hear feedback on ways that your brand falls short of its aspirations to be anti-racist.
The overwhelming majority of this feedback will be legitimate.
How you choose to respond to this feedback is important.
Silence is OK, as long as you get to work on fixing it.
But don't do the defensive thing. It hurts marginalized groups. It hurts your brand. It undoes the intention of the message that you initially tried to communicate.
Silence is OK, as long as you get to work on fixing it.
But don't do the defensive thing. It hurts marginalized groups. It hurts your brand. It undoes the intention of the message that you initially tried to communicate.
