I will end it like this cause i am terrified that after a near three-year "good streak" i screwed something up for myself yet again, but let's get into it

Comparatively to those around me why has my road to get to where i have gotten so much longer

I'll explain
[THREAD]

BACKGROUND: After i realized that becoming a pro wrestler in full wasn't the route for me-(that sentence piece already invalidated the rest of what i'll say for some) -i went hard to work trying to improve my home city/state scene

But all i ever wanted was a chance with the mic

Ask anyone who was around me at that time Radrick, Kemp, Carolina... i just wanted a chance to ring announce or show what i could do with a mic

And for good reason i wasn't just tryna "be a part of the circus" as someone put it...

I was already the loudest person in any venue i stepped foot into and i had more energy than most of the wrestlers from in the crowd

But i determined that if people saw my effort in other aspects of "da business" then they would HAVE to give me that spot

So from July 2016 to September 2018 I:
- set up
- tore down
- ran merch
- ran concessions
- ran security
- did street team
- ran ring crew

All the normal stuff that they ask young WRESTLERS and i was a media guy at best but that's fine whatever, i ain't done yet

I also:
- made match graphics
- made posters (and printed them on my own dime)
- ran roam cam
- ran hard cam
- edited shows
- did highlight reels
- made t-shirt designs
- ran music (hooboy did i run music)

And this was either as a favor for my friends (y'all know who you are and this is NOT a shot at you), for "vets", or for promotions as to help accomplish someone else's vision that they WOULD NOT let me help out on

But i did it for a chance to be seen "worthy"

And i put places on my fucking BACK & i'll name em. If you say i'm wrong & didn't very much improve any promotion i name, correct me

The majority of these DID NOT wrong me

WCWO 16
BLP 17
IWA-MS 17
WCWO 18
PW-Freedom 18
Paradigm 18
ASPW 18
FOD 18-19

ON MY BACK

And countless favors and small stuff for tons of promotions in the midwest and some in the south

Isn't to say that occasionally i wasn't drinking da dumb bitch juice n taking on more than i could handle (Freelance Underground i'm still sorry for the delay) i worked my ASS OFF

Everyone knew i could do good work & i would do it cheap with a smile on my face but those close knew i was KILLING MYSELF. Got so bad that in 2017 & 2018 i just broke down into tears in the corner at shows (you can fact check me on that too)

Why?

Cause i wanted the opportunity

And while there were GREAT ring announcers at some of these places, you want to know who got the majority of opportunities for the ring announcing spots i wanted at shows?

referees
wrestlers pulling double duty
family members
podcasters
buddies
venue owners
girlfriends

But this isn't the worst of it

For about a month in 2017 a "vet" who will remain nameless cause i don't want dem problems, cornered me and with a few others "welcomed me to da biz"

I'll told this story on @SelfCtrlPod (go listen to da bros) but i'll explain

Vet would wait until my friends or my big bro/sis/parent wrestlers were gone & would say "if you're in my locker room you need to take your licks"

I said "but i'm not talent, i'm media"

He said "i don't give a fuck, you're in my locker room"

And he would beat da shit outta me

I would get chopped, punched in the neck, and slammed onto the concrete floor (if you ever wondered how to do my shitty post in the few times i've been slammed)

And the fucked up part about it

i thought for the first few times "yeah this is supposed to happen"

And i will always give credit where credit is due

Dale Patricks saw what was happening the first and only time he saw it and put that shit to an end immediately and i didn't see that "vet" & one of his buddies for a little over a year

And it never happened again

But yet even w/ doing all the media work, even w/ doing the young boy work, & getting beat down like one too...

I was still told i couldn't be the ring announcer

"You're not ready"

"You don't fit the vibe we're looking for"

"I can get anyone to do that, i need you for this"

I didn't get the chance to ring announce until i was almost two years into doing the various things that i do

Lo and behold i was good at it

Real good at it

To the point where some would BUY TICKETS if they knew i was ring announcing (fact check me on that too)

THAT good

Now i can sit here as an IWTV employee, a ring announcer for some of the biggest indies in the country, and the main video guy for the biggest indie maybe in the world

Alls well that ends well right?

Well nah cause i demand to know WHY

I talk to other media people and other ring announcers about how they got to where they are and the answer is usually

"well i was around"
"well i asked"
"well no one else wanted to do it"

And this isn't to downplay any hardships anyone else went thru but

What the fuck.

Why is it like this. I would hate for anyone to have to do so but i don't know ANYONE ELSE in the positions that i'm in have to go thru the shit i had to go thru

Why is that?

You can come to your own conclusions but i really don't know

And that being my upbringing i am horrified of how i can fuck up what i have gotten... just by being me

So that's why if you compare where i was in 2016 to where i am now i am far more quiet (which IS saying something)

I was proverbially and literally beat into submission

And that struggle is something that a few fellow black talents in wrestling have identified with

To get where they are they had to be charming

To get where they got i had to be quiet

To get what they have they had to be around

To get what they have i had to be perfect

And now i can see all sorts of mfs say whatever they want during quarantine and everyone be like cool (this is about no one specifically)

And now when people who look like me are dying they're nowhere near as vocal

And this is infuriating

This is infuriating cause i feel like if i ride too hard for my people... if i ride too hard for MY LIFE the people in the position of power will deem my talents not worth the effort

And the people who can say anything but their talent outshines won't SAY anything, forget do it

I used to arguments on the v-trigger once every 3 months and how it's something that has to do with nuance and balance

We bring up Kofi's title reign or the representation of black talent in our great sport and performing art? No opinions only finalities

I am fed up

Took time to get out the house and breathe cause i was getting legit angry

And while i honestly and truly appreciate all the roses (pun unavoidable) cause self-esteem has been a roller coaster, that's not what i really want... but i will say this...

This the first time i've said something like this n i've kept from doing so cause i thought that keeping quiet was the wave but i'll put it like this

I am legitimately one of the best of the best in the world at the things i do, and i can almost do it all.

Try to prove me wrong

One of the best ring announcers
One of the best video editors
One of the best at crowd engagement

My work speaks for itself, ask around

Moving forward

I want a few things coming out of this, this first?

I don't want anyone to go through what i had to go thru

I don't know how rare my situation is in full but it doesn't seem to be the norm. If you're queer or POC in a non-wrestling position please reach out, we in this together

I want representation to matter to more at large. Everyone who went after AJ Gray the other day was wrong as hell

No seven isn't enough

Yes there is a surplus of unsigned black talent that are "TV ready"

Sure i'll name some