Thread by @planefag, I will now admit that I saved Kemono Friends deliberately because I [...]

I will now admit that I saved Kemono Friends deliberately because I was told it's a so-called "healing anime," and given how 2020's been going, I really, really need some damn healing right now.

So. Kemono Friends. Mine academic friends, I beg thee to mute this thread. https://twitter.com/magicalgirlnoir/status/1267259564694487041

https://twitter.com/magicalgirlnoir/status/1267259564694487041

*cheerful safari music*

A RIVER RUNS THROUGH IT

*cheerful safari music*

If I don't discipline myself this entire damn thread will just be me doing Steve Irwin impressions and I'd like to pretend that I'm above that

but I'm not

very fast sergal running at incredible hihg speed

>painted on expression with literally no animation in this scene, just a static figure someone wiggled around with their mouse cursor

This anime is famous and catapulted the director to the height of fame.

It has a budget of $3.54.

So he's a genius, then.

Sergal my ass that bitch is a COUGAR

I should have known better than to think anything @magicalgirlnoir would recommend would be wholesome or safe, LOOK AT ALL THIS RAPE CULTURE AAAHHHHH

P H R A S I N G

Serval? Than what the hell is a Serg-

AH GOD DAMMIT /TG/ HAS RUINED ME FOREVER AND THE STAIN IS NEVER LEAVING MY BRAIN AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'VE SPENT ALL DAY LISTENING TO PEOPLE JUSTIFYING VIOLENCE AND MURDER AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM SO IT'S FUCK OR FIGHT DON'T JUDGE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE https://twitter.com/James__Parker90/status/1267277080292732929

https://twitter.com/James__Parker90/status/1267277080292732929

wat

GAY PRIDE JAPARI WIDE

And the groping begins.

Don't give me any bullshit this isn't me THIS IS LEWD

They're both women so they don't need to be a snake to have fangs

So what episode do we get to before Miss Amnesia learns that she's an apex pursuit predator?

Slow and steady runs down the prey keep talkin shit

For instance, I'm good at being a fucking depressed waste of space with no purpose in life

KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE

Blue is ALWAYS evil in anime. For whatever reason, it just is.

Sometimes they're even a WOMAN!

Just because penultimate evil is hot doesn't make it not evil!

Bitch you are RUINING our reputation as the apex predator god dammit

BLUE

CRYSTAL

ALIENS

probably from CHINA like most of 'em

You thought the CHINESE FLU was bad? try the CHINESE BLUE!

So lemme tell you about the S L I N G

So given the total amnesia tabula rasa start she went from 0 to existential dread in like 20 minutes.

She's pretty smart!

That's what my last boss said to me!

A month later I quit because I couldn't lern2build fast enough for a guy with 30+ years of experience.

I'M MAD AND THIS ANIME CAN'T MAKE ME NOT MAD SO *THERE*

Totally! There's the ones that slowly turn on you when you're no longer of use to them by degrading you constantly with catty comments, there's the ones that stick by your side during childhood until they threaten you to look cool to a girl and you knock them out cold in rage-

- and then there's ones who make everything else worth it...

.... but, uh, that only makes you more depressed because they remind you of how shitty you are and how you can't ever do them justice I'M NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME BE HAPPY DAMMIT

AHAHAHAHA SHIT

THEY *KNOW*

See this is the THINKING man's meme'ing

YOU MUST BE SWIFT AS A COURSING RIVER

WITH ALL THE FORCE OF A GREAT TYPHOON

WITH ALL THE STRENGTH OF A RAGING FIRE

MISSY I'LL MAKE A FRIEND, OF YOU

>_>

<_<

"CROIKEY IT'S A BIGGUN!"

"Is it dead?"

"If it ain't, we're gonna have a hell of a time skinning the bastard!"

[CROIKEY INTENSIFIES]

Wait that isn't green

RUN, MOTHERFUCKERS, RUN

THE CERULEANS ARE HERE TO PROTECT YOU FROM THE ZONE. NOT TO PROTECT THE ZONE FROM *YOU*

superior refrain https://twitter.com/dmsakutarou/status/1267286072431689735

https://twitter.com/dmsakutarou/status/1267286072431689735

>Hippo is the sultry Ara Ara dangerous type, seemingly innocent but in truth an avatar of DEATH

OH GOD IT'S ON POINT

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ABOUT BAG-CHAN THE WISE? IT'S NOT A STORY THE LIBRARY WOULD TELL YOU

S A V A G E

Truly the superior culture, as opposed to ours where you pay 50% or more of what you earn to the government, who repays you by withdrawing all the police when the violent mob comes to beat you to death, rape your daughter and burn your house to the fucking ground

BASED

FUCKING

HIPPO-CHAN

Aww, Hippo-Chan cares!

AND THAT LAST BIT OF ADVICE GOES THRICE FOR YOU. YES, *YOU,* WILL FUCKING MACKENZIE

LEWD! LEWD! L E W D! https://twitter.com/James__Parker90/status/1267287925433253892

https://twitter.com/James__Parker90/status/1267287925433253892

That sign has seen better days, but it hasn't been used for target practice.

There's a stop sign in my area where someone added "WAR" under the "STOP." SOMEONE came along a while later and shot the hell out of it which is just *chef's kiss*

So Serval-Chan is not on speaking terms with Crow-chan I take it

LEEEEEEEEEROYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

if only you had a secret weapon with you

You're clearly in a Far Cry game, but is it the good one, or the one where writers too retarded to breathe make you auto-lose so you get teleported to the exact same trippy drug sequence three fucking times in a row? DARE YOU RISK THROWING THE DISTRACTION STONE?

"What is this?"

"A toy. It... floats on the air."

>Serval is just as entranced with it as the big blue boi

BASED

FUCKING

HIPPO

CHAN

BEST GOD DAMNED GIRL

WAAAH HAW HAW, PARDNER

A very early prototype of the harbinger of fucking death

MAYBE SHE'LL SHOW YOU THE BETA SOMETIME

LAY THE SECRET ON ME CUZ, HOW DOES MAN

MAKE FIRE?

"What's that dark place over there?"

"THAT IS YPSILANTI, SIMBA. YOU MUST NEVER GO THERE"

Awwwwwwww

T O O B Z

dear god I lol'd

Amazing what you can do with a budget of $3.50 if you know how to compose a shot

>the wee robot has never talked to the animals

... so there's clearly some shit going on under the surface here and it smells a little more sophisticated than "lazy framing device."

They gave some writer a budget and said "make us a shitty gacha tie-in idk" and turned their backs and left him with NO ADULT SUPERVISION

Just once I wish I could recognize real constellations in an anime

I wish there were more GAMES that did it, even

One big anime review megathread?

ONE BIG MEGATHREAD

. . .

. . .

In the words of Enrico Fermi:

*WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYBODY*

I swear to fukken god if the QUESTION of Fermi is answered by the WORK of Fermi I'mma flip

*ahem*

CLEVER GIRL

"You know what they say, human see, human do!"

If that was Java syntax I'd feel better because it'd mean this wee robot couldn't have been running autonomously for very long but it doesn't look like it

>every single sign is faded af

Listen I'm just saying that I know EXACTLY what I'd do if I was handed even a minuscule budget and not carefully watched and it looks a LOT LIKE THIS

fuck

So the park has multiple areas with different climates.

So somehow they just, you know, maintain completely different biospheres, including temperature and relevant weather patterns within an improbably small geographic area.

Also, the fucking mini robot.

where

the FUCK

is EVERYBODY

Oh just what we need ANOTHER cat

Quick kid, fold up another piece of paper into a box and see what happens

https://twitter.com/dmsakutarou/status/1267299996971532288

https://twitter.com/dmsakutarou/status/1267299996971532288

I'm gonna regret that fucking planet of the apes paper airplane reference ain't I

It was more on point than I thought innit

Naw she's Serval, the stork, you utter dork

So y'all ever hear of the Hatfield neolithic trackway? It's an elevated wooden trail - very much like the one you see here, just a little more primitive in design - built around 2900-2500 BC. Despite MILLENNIA, in a BOG, the damn thing still had wooden poles in evidence.

Why is that significant?

No reason.

No goddamned reason.

Just thought it was interesting, is all

This is how a lot of people in India die. Yes, the brush is thick enough that you can literally walk into people like that.

Vietnam, too. They call it elephant grass because you can hide a fucking elephant in it. True story!

ALT RIGHT DOGWHISTLE REEEE

okay not really but I'm dangerously close to having fun so POLITICS EXISTS, REMEMBER?

FEEL BAD! FEEL B A D

Wow first appearance and first line and she already resembles my ex

"Okay we'll tick the fucking checkboxes for the character intros for their shitty goddamn gacha bullshit and then get back to the story development"

>The tour guide robot's computer memory map of the park is intact but of course the bridge didn't survive repeated monsoons

>no programming

breeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I don't wanna hear ANY more shit out of you geeks this show is lewd and it is NOT just me

>Dexereous Otter

Apropos of nothing but this clip. I love this clip. The way the otter maintains eye contact as he angrily tosses every cup in the water.

"BITCH DO YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKING GAME"

See the flukes of that particular kind of tree? They make great axe-handles if you cut out that section. Already curved for you.

Why do I mention it?

No reason. Primitive Technology is a cool yt channel, that's all

. . .

"Japari Park."

No way this wasn't a piss-take on Jurassic Park NO WAY

WELL, SHIT

OH SCREW YOU ASSHOLES I HAD TO CAULK MY WAGON AND FLOAT IT EVERY GODDAMN TIME AND WATCH HALF MY PARTY FLOAT AWAY DOWN THE RIVER DEAD AS FUCK AND YOU ASSWIPES JUST ~WOLOLOLO~ AND IT'S GOOD?

HA! HAHAHA! SUCK IT! WAIT FOR CONDITIONS TO IMPROVE, BITCH!

PROTIP: THEY NEVER EVER FUCKING IMPROVE

EVER

YES. YES THAT'S HOW IT GOES

CAN'T FLOAT THE WAGON

CAN'T FORD THE RIVER

CAN'T EVEN PAY THE FERRYMAN CUZ YOU'RE FRESH OUT OF DRACHMAS

YOU'RE FUCKED! YOU'RE JUST FUCKED! YOU'RE UP SHIT CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE AND YOUR KIDS HAVE DYSENTERY HOW DO YOU LIKE *THAT* SHIT!?

Quick, Bag-Chan! Invent braided cord and a stone axe so you can build a raft!

That's not easy, either. Just one of those would take them another day alone, easily, to make.

Forget it girl, that ain't a Christie suspension and look at that spacing!

Well there's the braided cord! Thank god for the salvaged wooden sections.

I love how they didn't trivialize the engineering required here. The wooden sections are really only pontoon floats; the cables will have to carry the weight.

yo WAT

Note to self - don't piss off Hulk-chan.

>turns over
>won't start

I love this director I really do

Well this park has a power source SOMEWHERE if it has active weather control and shit so it looks like y'all are on the Quest To Find The Closest Trunk Line

Wow this robot is like Windows; affable, easy to talk to and COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS

Are those power lines or... a cable car run?

oh hello abandoned soviet theme park vibes in the fucking credits I totally needed to see this thanks

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IMAGE NEEDS TO STOP

YES, MYSTERIOUS SILHOUETTE OUTLINE, THAT INCLUDES YOU

I was promised healing and all I have is a foreboding sense of impending collapse

STOP STOP STOP STOP STPO FUCKINGA;DLSJAS;FLAS

Even if they HAD watched this they would not have had a clue

until it was several episodes in and it was too late to change things

this director fucking KNEW

"Welcome to Fuck That White Wolf Dick Face And All Her Tengu Dick Face Friends Let Them Look Up At Your Big Swinging Balls As You Soar Directly Overhead Courtesy Of TECHNOLOGY Praise Suwa"

when windows tries to cancel a fucking print job

okay then

Japanese annexation of Korea (Artist's Impression)

pfffffffffffffffffahahahahahah YES https://twitter.com/DicePools/status/1267309829841989633

https://twitter.com/DicePools/status/1267309829841989633

So I am apparently in that phase of drunk where I start lavishly praising my friends for being good and wonderful people so I'mma head that shit off by just saying you all have horrid fucking taste and your waifus are god-damned awful

esp. because they're my waifus too

I have seen your sins and your rejection of maids and your worship of overpriced meme bullshit guns like HK and the cosmos are vast and uncaring and will render all your pathetic pretensions as ash as ASH

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME HAVE FUN

YOU CAN'T

I REFUSE

So what if Ibis-chan could just carry the fucking battery up there and skip all this BS? I mean -

- wait, that'd be like asking a boomer to puzzle out Linux without guidance. Okay, scratch that plan

IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION OF WEIGHT RATIOS! A SEVENTY-FIVE POUND IBIS CANNOT CARRY AN EIGHT-POUND BAG-CHAN!

Eighty. You know what I mean stfu

Serval getting her heart blown out by Handsome Jack in 20 minutes after a boss fight

AND I WAS WORRIED THAT I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO KEEP THIS THREAD "ON BRAND"

LITTLE DID I KNOW, MY UNIQUE AND HORRIFYING TALENTS ARE UNSTOPPABLE

>little sparklies when her headwings flap or she double-jumps

there are anno levels of ~meaning~ here I can sense it but without all the "it sounds complicated crystal dragon jesus" bullshit

hey anno

sit your bitch ass down and take notes

me rn

SUSS

AY

EFF

DON'T DROP ME BRO

Wikipedia really WILL be the death of us lmao

Hey did you know that Wikipedia's entry on Vladimir Komarov, the hero who willingly went to his death in a ship he knew was powerfucked to save his friend Yuri Garigan, USED to mention that the oversized parachutes on his ship were hammered into their containers with mallets?

It doesn't anymore tho. I hunted through the history pages and found that some fucking tankie fuck whined about the source of that data so they could expunge it from the page. Wikipedia is nothing but tainted lies and your miserable life amounts to nothing

BE SAD.

NO.

FUN

the island of psychotically repressed super-perverts

as a descendant of the peninsula of not-so-repressed superperverts I speak with authority on this matter, don't @ me bitches

OH OH OH I KNOW THIS MOMENT

This moment: "So I've laid ALL THE CLUES so even the blindest sumbitch whom ever lived could puzzle out that there's some deep shit going on. And now to put in a final bitch-slap upside the head for the complete god-damned retards."

Listen, we have an arrangement, here.

I beg them to mute these threads, and they don't mention the fact that I am a knuckle-dragging simian unfit to converse with them in turn.

WE HAVE A FUCKING ARRANGEMENT, YOU LITTLE SHIT, DON'T FUCK THAT UP FOR ME https://twitter.com/MadineMemes/status/1267321079170621441

https://twitter.com/MadineMemes/status/1267321079170621441

IT IS PITY. PITY FOR THE FALLEN WHO COULD NOT FIND THE STRENGTH TO WALK AWAY FROM THE WEEBZONE

CAN I NOT HAVE THIS? MUST YOU TAKE EVEN THIS FROM ME? MAY WHALES DEVOUR YOUR CHILDREN

yea I'll fukken bet lmao

yea so does that look uncomfortably similar to the "Cerulean" creatures when they get wasted and transform into little blue cubes? Y'know crystal aliens from China and all that shit?

WOULD THE WAU JUST DO THAT? JUST FOLLOW ITS LAST DIRECTIVE TO THE LITERAL LETTER?

Advanced AI systems, man. They're all sultry and suave and sexy at first and then they're like "oh noes rampancy" and you're like hurrdurr don't kill me pls

What do the Hussars have to do with this

really

This goddamn director.

"so we can't even afford facial animations how do we make it work"

"we think like a traditional comic artist, that's how"

This is a @RonnieFilyaw "Agrias Face." A still image that conveys a mix of emotion like a shotgun hull conveys birdshot.

YES.

... that is actually correct.

Congrats! You just made birb-san even louder.

btw follow @RonnieFilyaw

he understands us

ay wut bitch

So "the professor" taught her to make coffee and Ibis-chan wasn't always a humanoid and REMEMBERS being a birb and

fuck me sideways someone survived the bombs and did some mad fucking science to bring about this world didn't they

wee robot recognizes bag-chan as a full human

I'm too drunk to be coy

they fucking blew it all up and bag-chan is some final piece of a long, grand plan

she does not have a happy ending, does she

the creepy whacko-tech volcano did not vomit her out for shits and giggles

WHERE IS THIS ALL GOING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

LIKE I SAID

ROBUST AY EFF

"I told everybody about this place but nobody comes up the mountain to visit!"

All she needed was an auditorium to match her voice!

So even if the mechanisms are long fucked gravity will still draw them d o w n

BOY HOWDY I HOPE THE DIRT-SIMPLE EMERGENCY BRAKING SYSTEM STILL WORKS

WAIT FOR IT

Awww the gear has some kind of positive friction coefficient or whatever you can't just go WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *splat*

Brutal reminder of Current Events IMMERSION RUINED 0/10

So remember Madoka Magica? How Urobutcher suckered everyone in with saccharine brainless magical gorl bullshit and at the end of ep. 3 that DeLorean hit 88mph and BOOM, MOTHERFUCKERS

yea

it's coming

innit

Meanwhile, time-delayed plot points meet Death Incarnate

DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT FATSNEK

This is adorable and y'all can go to hell thx

YEAH HE EATS A LOT BUT YOU EAT TOO, SOME "FRIENDS" HAVE DIFFERENT METABOLISMS GO FUCK YOURSELF FAT-SHAMER

"The voice you are hearing is Richard Kiley! We spared no expense."

Dave Scott performs a stand-up EVA on Apollo 15 (not colorized, the moon is pretty black and white idiot)

"The whole sand-wall trick was beautiful... bastards"

errytime ths mf try to "recalculate route" he's like https://xkcd.com/461/

So if you've ever read the memoirs of David Sterling - the man who invented the "Long Range Desert Patrol Group," later re-named the "SAS" - you'll recall mention of an Italian staff car they used to infiltrate a German-held town.

As one man put it, "we carried that damn car across the desert." It bogged down every twenty meters and required them to push it out again.

If memory serves that same car also developed a high-pitched whining sound which lent their covert mission an air of high comedy.