Good lord. HG Tudor, self-professed malignant narcissist, hits the nail on the head as always. Six smears your abusive ex will tell his new supply about you. Many of these are utter reversal & projection. Sick puppies. #narcissism #npd #clusterb #abuse https://narcsite.com/2020/06/01/six-smears-about-the-ex/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

My ex tried all of this on me. Every ex of his was abusive. When I ended up speaking to them (the ones he's no longer got control over) I discovered the opposite was true. Narcissists invert abuse, claim to be victims when in fact they are the perpetrators.

Listen very carefully to what they tell you. It's likely that the abuse they speak of is actually what they did to their victims. Lundy Bancroft writes about this in detail in Why Does He Do That? Be very cautious of a new partner who does nothing but bad mouth all their exes.

Also beware the new partner who talks incessantly about their ex & tells you what they didn't like about their behaviour. He is grooming you to behave a certain way (woe betide you if you ever behave like their ex!) & also triangulating you with them.

You will wonder why someone talk about their exes *so* much when they are no longer with them. They will talk about them so much & hate on them yet continue to interact with them. They often keep their exes (the ones who haven't made a clean break) around for future supply.

One even begins to wonder if they are still *with* said exes, they talk about them so much, agonise over them and fight with them so much. Creating chaos is a common way of confusing the victim(s) and simultaneously gaining loyalty through the use of intermittent rewards.

And this triangulation destabilises your relationship with them, while at the same time creating competition amongst the victims for the attention of the narc. All of this makes Narcy feel loved and in demand. He can't live with only one source of supply/fuel, he must have many.

Refuse to play the game, for that's all it is. Narcissists don't care about anyone. They use people to get attention and whatever else it is they need. Step out of the game. Get help from a therapist trained to deal with abuse and trauma. Go no contact. Stop playing.

This is not easy. I have another thread here on why. I will attach it to the bottom of this thread. It contains resources and links to information on how to educate yourself so can leave, or help another leave. Education is key. I cannot stress this enough.