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i was finally starting to enjoy life.
why is it now that everything decided to crash down on me at once?
was everything bad but my mind tried to keep me happy until it couldn’t anymore, or was life actually good for once? i’ll never really know.
why is it now that everything decided to crash down on me at once?
was everything bad but my mind tried to keep me happy until it couldn’t anymore, or was life actually good for once? i’ll never really know.
;-; i would rant on my personal instagram, but i deactivated so i’m here. ignore this if you see it (if anyone ever sees it) and just leave me be. it doesn’t matter what you could say to me or what you could do. it doesn’t change anything i’ve ever done.
depressing? i guess. do i deserve it? people would say no just to make me feel better, but if you look deeper, i deserve worse than how i am now. it’s painful and i know i could try to make myself happier, but at this point, i’ve stopped trying at all. it’s useless now.
people think that everyone who gives up on themselves and are depressed instantly resort to su**ide. partly true, yes, but i’m not about to give up everything i’ve handled for over 10+ years (i don’t want anyone to know my age) just because things are happening.
go ahead. block me. gossip about me. ruin my relationships with people i’ve known for years. say i’m a bad friend because i disagreed with your way of handling a f*cking problem. unfriend me and be rude to me because i asked you to stop something and you continued to do it anyway
i honestly don’t care. if you are rude to me because i asked you to stop something or because you asked me to help and i disagreed because i strongly didn’t believe it was right, i’m willing to give up 1+ years of good memories just for the sake of not being with you.
call me f*cking pitiful. call me over dramatic. call me stupid and sensitive. i don’t care what anyone thinks of me anymore. i’ll let you think what you think and i will keep my thoughts somewhere except directly to you. you don’t need to know me anymore. not as friends.
i’m caring about myself and only myself even if i’m hurt. i’ll be hurt. i will say awful things about how i act, how i look, how i handle things, but if it means protecting myself over a friendship, then f*cking hell. slap me and call me a b*tch because i know i matter more to me
everyone i’ve let close to me always ends up this way. w*lli*m when he hated me because of rumors his gf of 5 months spread about me even though we were best friends of 3 years. *l* when i didn’t help her and i got blocked. g*nai** when she said something and i went mad.
*m*a when w*lli*m’s gf spread rumors and started to believe them. k*yl**gh when i found out she secretly hated me despite being best friends for 2 years. my group of 4 other friends when we went into grade 7 and they all dropped me without saying anything. am i cursed?
why is it like this... why do i have to be like this? why does this always happen to me? i let someone become close, i let them know who i am, and then instantly someone is dropped. maybe i am cursed. maybe i was meant to be alone, and that’s why i enjoy isolation so much.
i’m going to stop now. this thread is getting to long.
