I'm going to begin with some background (pull up a chair, folks.) I grew up relatively poor in a fairly rough neighborhood (NW 18th Street, Lauderhill, Fla in Broward County.) I was pretty much the only white, English-speaking kid in my neighborhood.

I cover much of this in my @thenomadpod episodes, which they tell me are the two best podcast episodes ever done. But, I digress.

My parents were (are) very hardworking people who mowed yards for a living. It's tough, brutal, dirty work in South Florida.

So, for us movies became a diversion. When you're poor and only have three tv channels, movies are a great family activity and we were always going. I loved the movies and it's still my favorite outside activity. First date with my wife was a movie, etc.

So, I'm in my mid-40's and as a child of the 80s we only had a few heroes. Stallone. Schwartzengger (sp) and Burt Reynolds. I loved Burt. Smokey and the Bandit was amazing, loved Cannonball Run. Burt reminded me so much of my dad in looks, stature and charisma.

Burt was both funny and cool and just carried himself in a way that really hit home for me. Loved him.

I'll skip ahead. After some years in Indiana, my wife and I moved back to South Florida in 2008 for family reasons. My parents were there and my beloved Granny had suffered a massive stroke and had been paralyzed

I had the chance to come down and work for Tom Rooney on his very first campaign for US House so it all made sense and we moved to Stuart, Fl.

Now, if you know anything at all about Burt Reynolds you know he is from Jupiter, FL, which is the northern part of Palm Beach County bordering Martin (where Stuart is)

Burt still lived in Jupiter and his house was maybe ten minutes south of our house. But that's not really a big deal. Jupiter (and Jupiter Island) is chock full of celebs. Tiger. MJ. Pretty much every pro golfer. The Bush Family. I could go on.

Ran into Burt once or twice at local restaurants and once at the movies. He was always very gracious and seemed to love chatting with people, unlike most movie and tv celebs

But it ain't like Burt and I traveled in the same circles, if you know what I mean. Fast forward to 2016 and as some of you know I worked for now-US House Member Brian Mast, who was then running in his first race.

Brian's District was from Downtown West Palm Beach straight up the coast to Ft Pierce in St Lucie County. Large district. Lots of driving up and down I-95. But, I digress. Again.

It's a tough race. I was an old school campaign manager (more akin to a general consultant but with only one client.) Hiring and managing staff. Scheduling. Campaign planning, etc. 20 hour days, 7 days a week. Not asking for sympathy but it's thankless. Grunt work

There really arent any rewards and the job mostly sucks. You learn to find fun times whenever you can because otherwise the weeks never end and Election Day can't come soon enough.

So, one morning I come into the office and there's a piece of paper on my desk (which was a card table next to the toilet. Not joking.)

Paper just says: Burt Reynolds

I go out to the lady who was answering phones for us (protip: those people are usually your most important volunteers.) I say, "uh. whats this?" She cracks a huge smile and says, "He called. Wants you to call him back about meeting Brian."

Sure, I can call Burt Reynolds back. No problem. She texts me the number since Burt asked not to have it left on the paper and I call.

Much to my disappointment I don't hear Burt's voice but I get his PA Jim instead. But he's all excited. "Oh, Burt really wants to meet Brian. I know you guys are super busy but if there's any way you can make it happen.."

I cut Jim off

"Jim, when do you want us to come?" Duh, it's Burt Fucking Reynolds. Like I gotta clear the schedule to meet Burt Reynolds.

So, we set a time and I go in to the conference room where Brian is trolling Facebook instead of making fundraising calls. Story of my campaign life.

"Dude, guess what? We're having lunch with Burt Reynolds"

Now, Brian denies this but it's my story and this is what i remember.

Brian: "who?"

Me: "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" (sidenote: Brian has the sense of humor of a dead frog in the road)

So, I spend a sleepless few days and then the morning arrives and we (like I wasn't going to go?) drive down to Burt's gated, oceanfront compound right off US 1. His security guy meets us at the gate in a golf cart and we follow him in

In front of us is an oceanfront mansion in a Mediterranean style. It's beautiful and the envy of any B Level pro athlete on MTV Cribs.

Me: "nice house"

Security "no, this is Burt's office and rec room"

Oh

You go in and through Burt's beautiful office suite and past a 4000 square foot storage building filled with Burt's memorabilia you enter a huge recreation room bigger than your house. Easily 2000 square feet

Gigantic custom pool table larger than a Cadillac in the center and along one wall an actual bar. Like, Burt had bought a bar in town and physically relocated it to his rec room/house

And the walls. O.M.G., the walls. They are covered with mostly black and white photos of old Hollywood stars. And every single one of those photos is personally signed to Burt. Name a huge star of the 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s and theyre up there

Brando. Wayne. Gable. Grant. Monroe (more on her later). Theyre all up there and its just mind blowing. You've never seen anything like it

And the gigantic pool table is covered with an amazing spread of food. Theres an actual ham and a giant side of roast beef. All kinds of sides, breads, etc, etc etc. I could feed our entire campaign staff with this spread but it's just for the four of us.

We must've spent three hours there. Burt was an incredible host. Charming, gracious, funny. Just delighted to meet Brian. I found out that day that Burts dad was in the Army and had landed on Normandy on D-Day and Burt was very passionate about the Army and veterans causes

As we were leaving Burt handed Brian a gift. It was a very large, leather-bound coffee table book on the history of the US Army. And inside was a very long, personal note to Brian hand written by Burt. You can see this book in Brian's DC Office. But it was an incredible gift

Burt demanded that we take a picture with him and who the hell is gonna argue with Burt Reynolds? So they took this. I'm the remarkably handsome guy on the right.

I also took a picture inside of Burt's private bathroom but I don't feel comfortable sharing that. But it's exactly what you imagine Burt Reynolds's bathroom to look like

But, there's more

I was cool with the experience and was happy with it being a memory. Fast forward to election day, we win, etc. My wife and I are making plans to move up to Tallahassee, etc. One day a few weeks after election I get a call from Burt's guy.

"Hey, Jacob. Listen, Burt wanted me to call you and invite you to his Christmas party next week.

Me: "OK, I'll let Brian know. That's very thoughtful of Burt."

Him: "No, not Brian. You."

Oh. Oh, shit.

"Yeah, of course. I'll be there."

I'm too scared to even bring my wife. It's not like I hang around celebrities very often. So I go back to Burt's house and there are a ton of people there. Palm Beachers. Some folks from Hollywood. And me

I go in, get a beer and sit at one of the giant leather couches that ring the room. Signed picture of Marlon Brando right over my head. I'm too scared to sit back because I'm afraid im gonna hit Don Corleone with my gigantic dome

People start coming over to me as clearly I'm the new guy here and everyone else knows each other. I introduce myself and people wonder how I know Burt (obvious question given the crowd here.) I tell them I ran Brian's campaign and suddenly I'm a celebrity. At Burt's house

It's an odd experience if you've ever run a campaign because youre supposed to fade into the background (granted, I'm 6'5".) I always tell young folks that the point of the job is to get exposure for the boss and not yourself. But I won't pretend that it wasnt fun at that moment

So, I'm chatting away to two nice ladies who I'm sure Ive seen at the grocery checkout line or on tv and Burt comes into the room. Everyone gets up to go say hi but I'm too scared. It's Burt Reynolds and I certainly don't belong here. Hell, he probably has no idea who I am

So, everyone goes back to their seat along the walls and Burt goes over to his very private table over in the corner. Large, round wood table with high-backed leather chairs ringing it. Framed picture of Doris Day on a little table next to Burt's chair. It's where we had lunch

I go back to chatting with the nice, attractive ladies and don't think anything more of if. Holy shit, I'm at a private party at Burt's house. WTF am I doing here?

Suddenly, I hear Burt's assistant who has come over to where i am sitting. "Mr Perry?"

"Yes, ma'am"

"Mr Reynolds has been asking for you. He saved a seat for you at his table and wants you to come over."

So I get up and walk over to the table where Burt is sitting with his childhood best friend (no joke) his agent and his business manager. And there's an empty seat and it's the one next to Burt.

I shit you not

Burt looks up and with that Burt Reynolds smile says in his Burt Reynolds voice,

"Jacob, where were you? I thought you didnt come."

Me: "*&^% &*#@ !!(*$"

"Mr Reynolds, it's an incredible honor to be here tonight. I'm flattered you asked me"

Burt: "Of course! I'm glad you could make it" as though I had more important things to do that night than go to a private party at Burt's house

So, I'm sitting so close to Burt Fucking Reynolds that my giant knee keeps touching his leg and I start wondering how I can shower without washing the knee that touched The Bandit's leg.

I spend two amazing hours sitting next to The Bandit while he tells amazing stories. I get to ask him questions, he tells me about *cough* knowing Marilyn Monroe, about Marlon Brando, about how he ended up at Florida State

Now, you have to understand that this was a private conversation. He wasn't telling stories to the room. In fact, the rest of the party was going on around us while Burt and I told stories to each other. I got to tell him how much I loved him, what he meant to me, etc

I mean, it's stuff people had been telling him for 50 years but you would've thought I was the first person to ever say that to him. Maybe the most gracious human I've ever met. And you know whose name never came up? Brian Mast. It was like Burt didn't know who that was.

The man literally made the evening about me. I can't even describe what that was like to a poor, lonely kid from Florida who idolized the man.
Eventually I could tell that Burt was getting tired and I didn't wanna overstay. I quietly thank him and tell him I need to go

I swear to God, Burt Reynolds leans over to me and quietly says, "Jacob, thank you so much for coming tonight and keeping me company. I had a great time." Burt Reynolds.

Then he calls his assistant over & says to him, "Todd, I need you to get a picture of me with Jacob." You know, like I belong with Marlon Brando and Cary Grant. So, I hand my phone over to Todd and slide next to Burt. Just as I'm doing that a very attractive lady jumps in my lap.

I have no idea who she is, and by the look on Burt's face he doesnt, either. But he looks over at me and says, "Jacob, you want another one?"

"No, Mr Reynolds. I think that picture says everything about tonight."

Because when you are with Burt Reynolds and an attractive blonde jumps into your lap, you roll with it. Because you're with Burt Reynolds.

*The End*