Today we learned that the sensor that opens the trunk of my stupid car isn’t broken.

My legs simply aren’t long enough to trigger the sensor when I kick at it.

Can you imagine the indignity? I’m standing there, hands full of bags and kicking away and the man stares at it and then stares at me and I see something dawn on him and a split second layer it dawns on me and I told him if he said a single word I would box him.

Everybody who laughed is now named in my class action lawsuit, Tressie versus Tall People Who Got Jokes And Also Car Manufacturers And Maybe Too Whole Foods Just For The Hell of It.