ok i had a very hard time deciding but i finished my RANKINGS OF GREEK GODS AND GODESSES so here we go!!
note: the ancient greeks had a shitload of gods and goddesses, they turned everything into a deity really, so obviously i'm not ranking all of them. i could have been basic and just ranked the olympian gods but i decided to be a mess instead and add some random other ones
which appeal to me for some reason. please don't go thinking this is a canon selection of gods or something, it's not, it's just an absolute mess that i myself have created

also as usual pls don't take this too seriously, i love all gods even tho most of them were pretty shitty
25. EILEITHYIA

- goddess of childbirth
- you probably haven’t heard of her, and rightfully so
- if it weren’t for her i would have got a 20/20 on my greek mythology exam so yeah i just had to include her to take revenge

(she's the one on the right)
24. HERA

- goddess of women and family
- however not quite the feminist
- the type of woman who, when her man cheats, gets angry at the girl he cheated with instead
- also herakles deserved better
23. CRONUS

- ruler of the golden age, father of zeus
- ate his own children;;;; wtf
- also ate a stone and didn’t even notice the difference with a baby, like i never ate a stone or a baby but… pretty sure they taste different
- got overruled by zeus and that’s what he deserves
22. ERIS

- goddess of strife and discord
- always looking for drama
- caused the trojan war and idk whether i should be mad or grateful
- no one ever honors her and i guess that’s what she deserves
21. POSEIDON

- god of the sea
- has a trident, cool
- loves horses, cute
- caused odysseus to swerve over the seas for 10 whole years, not so cool
- has a shitload of children whew chile you’re not zeus
20. ARES

- god of war
- not even war strategics or anything just pure violence
- sweetie who hurted you
- no redeeming qualities really
- however he’s very consistent in destroying absolutely everything and i respect that
the way i feel obliged to post 2 pics most of the times because otherwise the thumbnail is just their genitals rip
19. APHRODITE

- goddess of love
- born out of uranus’ genitals and sea foam??? ok
- has the power to make people fall in love and ehm could you use that on me
- quite the drama queen tho
- cheated on her man #justice4hephaestus
18. DEMETER

- goddess of agriculture
- is responsible for food so we stan
- cares a lot for her daughter; sweet
- not very good at hide and seek tho wdym it took so long to find your daughter
17. HEPHAESTUS

- god of fire and smithing
- yeah yeah fire
- was cast off the olympus by hera after his birth because he was deformed
- got cheated on by his wife aphrodite
- deserved better really he did nothing wrong
16. THE MOIRAI

- the ones who decide our destiny
- they spin a thread for each human and cut it off when the time has come for them to die
- very powerful, even zeus can’t change what they decided
- pls don’t cut my thread off for putting you out of the top 15 i swear i do stan
will continue with the top 15 after lunch xxx
15. HYPNOS

- god of sleep
- not that important really
- i just love sleep
- also i’m honoring him in hopes that he will reward me by giving me some more sleep because i really need it
14. HADES

- god of the dead, king of the underworld
- i mean who doesn't want to rule over the dead
- an abductor, which we don’t support
- somehow still more unproblematic than his brothers zeus and poseidon tho
- also he has a cool dog
13. GAIA

- the earth, mother of all life
- proof that women are the original and superior gender
- eat that christianity with your “and then god made a woman out of a man’s rib” bs
- ok yeah she did have sex with her son but let’s not talk about that
12. EROS

- god of love
- greek counterpart of cupid but less known, rip, he deserves better
- sometimes also associated with homosexual love, he said gay rights
- therefore we have no choice but to stan
11. HERMES

- herald of the gods and protector of travellers
- very badass; stole Apollo’s cattle and invented the lyre within 24 hours after being born
- also one of the only gods who actually cares about humans rip
- accompanies the dead to the underworld, very nice
10. ZEUS

- king of the gods
- father of all greeks, and you can take that quite literally
- prime example of “once a cheater, always a cheater”
- still in the top 10 because without him, we wouldn’t have had like 90% of greek mythology so we’re grateful
9. THE ERINYES

- deities of vengeance, also known as “the furies” (NOT furries!!!!!)
- have snakes for hairs, dog’s heads and bat’s wings, cool
- they go stalking people who committed crimes
- a lot cooler than prison honestly and probably more effective can we bring them back
8. APOLLO

- god of all things cultured
- god of oracles so can predict the future, cool
- also connected to music
- for a male god he’s relatively unproblematic so we stan
- also timebelle was robbed
7. THE MUSES

- goddesses of literature, music and the arts
- the inspiration for all great literary works and we are grateful
- also the word ‘music’ has its origins in their name so we esc fans have no choice but to stan
6. HECATE

- goddess of magic and withcraft
- do i really need to give any more explanation why we stan???
- just missed out on the top 5 because there are not many myths about her but her cult is cool
- often depicted with dogs >>>>
5. DIONYSUS

- gods of all things chaotic basically
- WINE
- members of his cult do some weird stuff like tearing animals apart, bit extreme but they go all in and i respect that
- all in all an absolute mess but entertaining
4. ARTEMIS

- goddess of the hunt
- a total baddass
- killed or transformed all men who were pursuing her and honestly i get it
- was very adamant on staying virgin, probably either ace or closeted lesbian, either way we support you sweetie
3. HESTIA

- goddess of the hearth and the home
- one of the og olympian gods but people always forget her
- almost never mentioned
- you probably wonder how on earth she is top 3 and well i can't blame you
- idk i just relate to her very strongly
2. ATHENA

- goddess of wisdom and warfare
- born out of the head of her father, fully armed, only legends
- smart, strong, honestly a queen
- i’m yours, only yours, and of course,,, hurt me - oh wait wrong athena but still
so, the winner is....
1. HELENA PAPARIZOU

- goddess of eurovision
- you're my lover
- undercover
- you're my secret passion and i have no other
ok that wasn't the actual winner but we still stan!!!

the winner is...
1. CHAOS

- the beginning of everything
- just a void basically
- honestly what i aspire to be
- probably the only unproblematic god out there let’s be honest
- can we, like,, go back
these were my very random and probably anticlimactic rankings, thanks for your enthusiasm, feel free to share your own favourite gods xxx
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