Okay, I've been thinking. I made a comment yesterday that wasn't taken well, and I've thought about what I said and if I did the right thing. But here's the thing - as a white ally, I've learned lessons I feel obligated to pass on. So let's talk. 1/

A couple years ago I attended a political gathering for women's and family issues, at which a primary topic of discussion was racism. A black woman activist started off the discussion. I will never forget this exchange that came up. 2/

During the discussion, a sweet, older white woman raised her hand and said, "I've always said that I don't see color, I look at the heart."

The speaker held up a hand and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to stop you there, because racism needs to be called out." 3/

She went on to explain, kindly but firmly, that, she is black, and her struggles and triumphs due to her blackness are a part of her identity that can't be erased. The challenges she faces because of her blackness are part of her. 4/

"So when you say you don't see color, then you don't see ME."

That phrase is indelible in my memory now.

White activism can be as well-meaning as possible, yet still runs the risk of erasing the black experience. 5/

The speaker concluded her remarks, remaining professional but getting obviously emotional when she discussed her history of activism and the frustration of fighting for her rights. She told us that we would be splitting into two groups for the rest of the discussion: 6/

A small group of the tiny handful of women of color who were there, and a much larger group of white women. (I live in a very liberal very white community.) She explained that for people of color, educating whites about allyship can be utterly exhausting. It was important... 7/

...for the women of color to have a space where they could discuss issues related to the overall topic, but unique to them, with others who would understand, without having to stop and explain and educate the white women. She told us that it's important... 8/

...for white allies to educate EACH OTHER. We need to do our own research, listen to black voices, let THEM take the lead but then be willing to pick up the load and do our part, while looking to black activists for overall direction. 9/

That's why it's so important, if a white ally attends a Black Lives Matter protest, we HAVE to follow the lead of black activists. We should step in and use our privilege to support them, but we do not escalate, we do not participate in unnecessary confrontation. 10/

Because when white activists escalate these confrontations, it's the black activists who suffer the consequences. White people, WE ARE NOT IN CHARGE HERE. We can listen, we can educate ourselves and each other, we can DO THE WORK. Even when it's uncomfortable. 11/

And that is why I replied to a sweet older white woman yesterday, who said she didn't see color. I let her know it's a problematic thing to say. She responded by making her account private, and another white woman commenter told me I shouldn't give unasked-for advice. 12/

But if white activists don't educate each other about these things and call out possibly hurtful language, who's going to? The black activists? They have enough on their plate right now, and they don't owe us their emotional and mental labor. As allies, that's OUR job. 13/

Thanks for listening. I feel it necessary to pass this on, because I could hear the emotional exhaustion in that black woman's voice as she spoke at that meeting. She, and those like her, have done the work. It's our turn to do our share. 14/14