I’ve had a few friends and acquaintances reach out to me and ask “how can I help?”, and that question is loaded and the list is long. One at the top of the list is that, with sincere conviction, beginning to hold yourself and your white family/friends accountable

And this sounds like a small thing, but it’s honestly the big thing. Being moderate, neutral and apathetic on race issues is cancerous and destructive. There is a social cost that comes with pushing back on the casual, subtle racist comments and beliefs your family/friends parrot

A lot of it is rooted in belief systems that have been calcified over time to reinforce ignorant and flat out wrong interpretations of history and social structure.

Facilitating difficult conversations with unwilling parties is hard work, and as a white person who finds yourself to be well-meaning, believe yourself to be non-racist, and want better for everyone, you have to learn that you as an individual “not being racist” isn’t good enough

Which means avoiding the urge to say shit like “not all white people”, which is really just a tactic to pause the conversation about a persisting systemic/macro issue to make sure people know that you’re still a good person.

And ultimately use that perceived goodness to mean because you don’t believe you have any personal stake in systemic racism and white supremacy, it’s not your responsibility to confront and condemn it at every turn and opportunity.

If you are this white person, I believe you have a responsibility to shut up and listen when Black people are speaking. It’ll be hard, but you really gotta stfu sometimes. More often. Like a lot more often. Because it’s not about your individual goodness in the grand scheme.

You also have to arm yourself with some basic knowledge around racial history and inequality. Read some books, watch some lectures, and please be very careful in asking or requesting anyone Black to spend time and energy in trying to school you or help you understand.

I recommend scholars like Dr. Joy Dugruy and Dr. Robin DiAngelo (pinned tweet) as great foundational work to dive into. Read James Baldwin and Bell Hooks.

3 years ago, I went through a Bible Study workshop called “Be The Bridge” authored by @LatashaMorrison. Extremely powerful and useful in facilitating conversations about racial inequality and working towards reconciliation. I believe it’s valuable whether Christian or not.

Understand that what you’re signing up for if you really want to help is making the people in your immediate support system and just beyond it extremely uncomfortable. It will make you feel isolated. It will grate on meaningful relationships. You will be gaslit, relentlessly.

You have to openly acknowledge and understand that you have been socialized to have blind spots when it comes to the experiences of others through the lens of race, and that’s why listening is so key. It’s at the heart of the issue. Not listening and acknowledging disparity.

It takes the work of unlearning and learning, simultaneously. Examining the current reality and how your beliefs inform your perception of it. Do you think racial disparities in wealth, education, healthcare, and criminal justice persist because one group is inherently better?

Unpack. Does the idea of the world you live in not being a 100% meritocracy, and the fact that you experience advantages due to things beyond your control make you confront your own self-worth and efficacy? Does the idea of being privileged scare you & trigger imposter syndrome?

This is the personal work you have to do, and the work you have to encourage other white people to do. If you have even a chance of being a significant help.

Understanding that racism doesn’t exist on a good/bad binary. This is important for everyone. There are otherwise good, kind and well meaning people who are racist. There are black people who hate when I say this, but I believe it’s critical to get past the taboo of discourse

Have you ever noticed how people are so offended by the prospect of being seen as racist, that the bulk of their energy and attention is consumed by pushing back on that rather than examining the flaws in their belief system or behavior? That’s a big part of it.

It’s why people think being called racist is more egregious than actual racism. It’s why the knee-jerk reaction is to clear their personal conscience instead of engaging the actual grievance at hand.

And it’s important to remind yourself that getting your personal “officially not a racist and therefore good and innocent” ribbon is not a priority. As a Black person, I’m much less concerned with your individual disposition than I am at persisting systemic issues and disparities

And if you are truly that good and angelic non-racist white person, your energy should be in understanding, acknowledging, confronting and dismantling those systems. Time, energy, resources and talents, and humility need to be lent to doing that work. It’s going to be hard af.