I don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said. I’m angry. I’m tired of being angry. I’m tired of hiding that anger to get through the day. I’m tired of people being “shocked” that this happened. I’m tired of people saying “this is not who we are” because it fucking is.

As a black dude, the cute, tidy idea of American Exceptionalism always rang incredibly false. Our history is rife with oppression, injustice and genocide. Our history is also filled with people who fought against those things. So We are both things.

But, we have to take the opportunity to be better when it presents itself. Too often in the case of policing in the black community we haven’t. Too many people like me have been killed with impunity. While unarmed. I can only guess it’s because our leaders don’t actually care.

So many people say all the right things after something like this, and then it happens again. And again. And again. And again. Then, there are more words. More furrowed brows. More “I feel your pain” bullshit. And then, once again, no meaningful action. So what are we to believe?

I remember my dad nearly had a gun pulled on him right in front of me by a racist security guard. Refusing him entry to a gym at his community college, where his classmates were playing 3-on-3. They were all white. My dad, obviously not. I was five or six years old.

I remember the guard with his hand on his gun, getting in my dad’s face. My dad not backing down. I remember crying, pleading to go, and the security guard saying something like, “you should listen to your boy”. So my dad backed down because I was a wreck. Maybe he was scared.

This white guy looked like he wanted to shoot my dad over a game of pick up basketball. Or, at the very least, try to humiliate my dad in front of me. This is one of my earliest childhood memories. So I understand the rage. The frustration. I feel it. I carry it with me everyday.

I don’t want to see cities burn. It’s terrible. It’s heartbreaking. It’s dangerous. But enough is enough. We need meaningful action. Not just more empty words, and furrowed brows, leading to an acquittal.