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So I've woken up in one of those 'reflective' moods, a bit like how I get every NYE when I look back on the year. It's a good thing though, reflection is a good thing, right? Feel like everyone has learnt a lot about themselves from lockdown.
I used to pile these kind of musings in to a blog, but in lieu of that - Twitter will have to do. Lockdown has felt longer for me than most, as before it officially began, I had already taken a few weeks off between jobs - the beauty of being freelance.
The ugly side of being freelance soon reared its head though, when like the rest of the creative industries I've been in a jobless pickle. However, this isn't going to be a rant about that - it's actually a more of a positive take on these past few months.
Aside from the initial financial concerns, and a slight obsession on my part about wiping everything down with Dettol and stripping off in the hallway before coming in to the apartment, Will and I have coped with this pretty well.
Truth be told, I think we've both loved being with each other all the time, not that we weren't tight as could be anyway, but what this experience has taught me is that once you strip away other stresses in life - namely work, you really get down...
... to the core of what fuels your relationship. No distractions, no email alerts, no social obligations. Just you and your other half. We've not stopped laughing. We've finally had the time to binge watch every show on our list and had more lie-ins than I could admit to.
On a personal level, as someone who's had a few years of social anxiety disorder - isolation has put me right at ease. Unfortunately I know that it's not a cure and that I'll encounter challenges again once lockdown is over, but for my mental health...
...it's been cathartic to not have those triggers & feel like I could just 'hang that coat up' for a few months, so to speak. Like a holiday for your head. I've also learnt more about myself, with respect to physical health.
I'm not going to mince my words... I'm not physically fit, I've put weight on & I'm in a pickle. As someone who has been skinny and lanky for most of my life, weight gain is a relatively new concept for me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy with how I look - but I've put on 10kg over the course of a year and that is insane. I don't have a balanced diet and I don't have the patience or tolerance for exercise to the extent that I should.
I've really tried too, it's not that I'm lazy, I've invested (financially) quite significantly towards various equipment or services to encourage myself to get fit - but I'll never be someone that buzzes off those endorphins or can ever say I *enjoy* exercise. I hate sweating ha.
But now I'm in this major pickle because I want to lose weight, but nothing sticks. I am a fussy eater, so dieting options are going to be a challenge and I'm physically unfit and bored by ANYTHING fitness related - and I mean anything.
I spoke with my Mum about this earlier in the week, and she reminded me that my Dad has a history of heart disease and it's likely hereditary - so as she bluntly put it, "do something about it, or die early." I wish that even that was motivating, but in fact it just makes me...
...think, "oh well, best make the most of these next few years" LOL. I've also learnt that there's a ton of things I'd like to change about our apartment once we are more financially back on track.
On the whole, I miss friends, I miss family, I miss the cinema, I miss the pub, I miss working, I miss spending, I miss holidays - but I'm definitely not complaining. I just wish I could look back on this time and say I'd used it to "get fit" or "launch a business" or something..
But that's my obsessive attitude towards wanting to achieve things all the time. I can't just stagnate, but I wish I could apply that same attitude towards motivating myself to live a more healthier lifestyle. Work in progress, I guess.
