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I want to share my own experience with the member of this community who was outed tonight. First I want to make it very clear that I do not intend to speak over anyone who had a worse experience with him. I only hope to support and amplify. I also want to say that AT THIS TIME
I do not wish to involve anyone else from the community in my story despite the fact that it’s kind of a long one. I understand most of you who will read this won’t know who I am (kinda new here) and have no idea who I am or how I live. I can promise you
That I do not make public statements that I cannot 100% back up. If attacking my character is appealing because I’ve chosen to speak out, know that I can and will prove every word. Again, a very long story involving people I respect who wish to put it behind them -
It is out of respect to them that I’d tried to put it behind me as well. So I will limit it to strictly my experience with no names on either side of this.
My very first experience with him was on the day my first professionally released microchap debuted. It was a last minute thing, to be released at a reading. He was stirring shit up about how it was unfair for a press to release more than one book at a time - and he
Used my name like an old friend’s expecting me to jump on board in shit talking my own book and the press that released it. I don’t like that shit. I ignored him and addressed it directly with the other author in question. I’d rather not dive into that unless I have to.
Just know I was lied to. After that conversation he approached me with a weak ass apology; I was very lukewarm with my response to assert the fact that I was not really interested in any kind of back and forth about it. He followed me, I followed back because mutuals. Then
He started trying to insert himself into my conversations. He made remarks about my appearance that weren’t overtly alarming, but gave me a strong gut feeling about nonetheless. I’d occasionally like a response from him, but I did my best after hearing
Some things to not engage. I did not know the extent of his behavior - I do however have loads of experience with creepy men and at my ripe old age I prefer to limit the opportunities they have to affect me as much as I can. But please understand
That comments he made about my appearance had other people reaching out to me asking if I was okay with his remarks, feeling an obligation to check on me and be like hey, we know you don’t like to start shit but that was uncool of him.
At some point he began messaging / harassing other women in the community about abuse allegations that several individuals know to be false. When he tried to approach me about it, I ignored him. You’d that a safe person, an ally, a good guy...
Would have tried a lot harder to protect me from someone abusive I was working with so closely. But he did not. He let it die. No further attempt aside from “can I discuss something with you.” I have ASSUMED this is because he figured I was already privy to the whole truth.
I unfollowed all involved. I did not want to be a part of it. I did not fucking ask to be a part of it. I’ve been getting my name and work out only in the last year and a half and I am grateful he was not one of the first people I met in this community.
In August of last year I lost a friend very tragically and unexpectedly. It brought an entire community of people I love to their knees. To cope I wrote a zine about loss and decided I would donate every cent I made off of it to a cause he would have supported.
On the day it was released, despite having been fully dismissed from my life at this point, he made yet another shitty statement about same day releases. This is actually NOT my first time publicly calling out this person. I went all the way off. Publicly.
He did not have the balls to apologize or the decency to correct himself for his absolute fucking disrespect. Just kinda wiped his ass with a memorial publication and poured salt into a wound that was still very fresh.
I believe it’s important to see ALL FACETS of this person’s bullshit. Specifically the way he treats women in this community. I believe the only two things that protected me from him trying anything were 1. I’m 30 and wise, and 2. I routinely
Publicly call out the shitty men in my DM’s. I do it so other women / womxn see someone else standing up for themselves with the hope of it inspiring them to do the same.
I believe all of the women coming forward. All of the VERY MANY women coming forward. It’s distressing to see him literally say “believe women but not the ones accusing me” as someone who has hid behind the word ALLY. Especially after leaving me to potentially
Rot with someone he was telling others was guilty of abuse. That should be incredibly telling. And concerning. Believe these women.
And not for fucking nothing, but he seems pretty self-aware of his shit to me.
Also can we please stop telling people to simply “love each other” while holding up someone who’s being implicated by multiple fucking women right now? TACKY. DO BETTER.
I have been worried that his badmouthing me / my work has caused me to lose opportunities with other people, and friendships, and business. I worry that my name leaves a bad impression with some people because of what he may have said. I have been too afraid to outright ask.
But now y’all know. Hi. I’m Dani.
Oh and please - specifically if we have never spoken before - do not ask me to elaborate on or clarify experiences that are not mine, or pry for info. If and when these people are ready to come forward they will have my full support.
