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!!TW/// toxic household detailed!!
I’m kind of scared tweeting this because a few irls follow me and I don’t want it to spread around and my parents find out but I need to say something I’m so fucking lost as of now. I am not craving sympathy or ANYTHING like that
I’m kind of scared tweeting this because a few irls follow me and I don’t want it to spread around and my parents find out but I need to say something I’m so fucking lost as of now. I am not craving sympathy or ANYTHING like that
I just need to get it off my chest it’s been hovering over me for so long. I live in a strange household, strange as in I don’t know how to describe it all positively or all negatively because I constantly question it. Mental illness runs in the family as does addiction
I have depression, social anxiety, and paranoia from trauma. I live in a house where artistic talents are accepted and looked as a possible job which I’m very grateful for. However, art is an expressive therapy for me as sometimes I am too scared to speak fully about my issues
When I create something that can be looked at as “dark” or “scary” they question it and make me feel bad for creating it. My art is in no way hinting at harmful actions but more of how I feel mentally that I display in a metaphoric manner in my art. And I tell them this.
And because of my depression and past of self harm, they think I’m becoming a psychopath. No. I want peace in this world and everybody to be EQUAL but by prioritizing the lives who live in fear FIRST! And I actively speak about that.
I understand I may have more issues than the rest of my family and it can be very stressful for them to handle, unfortunately when arguments break out things aren’t handled properly and can sometimes leave me in the state of panic and sobbing while hyperventilating
Clutching on my shirt to try and calm down while they are still yelling in my face. My parents claim to know what it’s like to have the issues I face but I question that a lot, I regret questioning their skills but they never help me come down from an attack.
In fact they continue yelling at me demanding an answer when I cannot speak. And when this happens I am usually threatened with calling the cops or taking me to a hospital. Little arguments in my house do NOT end that way.
Especially when I try to defend myself. I understand I can get angry when defensive but I’m just trying to protect myself ( but I should still work on this habit) but this leads to threats being yelled at towards me such as “ I will tie your hands behind your back”
I never get physical when defensive so I was really confused and as this progressed I was cornered in the hallways next to my bedroom door I was “not allowed to go into yet” with their finger directly pointed in my face yelling at me to look at them in the eyes.
No matter the situation, I grew up being afraid to look people in the eyes. My whole family knows this. So when it’s a scary situation like this I shut down completely and am afraid to do anything. I thought I was going to get punched in the face. Eventually I was
Able to enter my room and be alone after I was called a piece of shit daughter and a lunatic. I am the “identified patient” in my house so I automatically get blamed for things and told this house being a wreck is all my fault, and I believed it. I still do!
But now it’s just in a state of questioning. I am told this is the most relaxed and accepting family I have ( my own family says this to be clearer?) and so I constantly question if the way things are in my family are normal. I am told by them
This is not an abusive household and it is loving and I don’t know if it is or not so I just agree with them. They support my hobbies and even go to concerts with me sometimes so that always makes me think I live in a loving household but idk I’m so lost.
I’m not able to talk to them the next day and work things out, they push it away and pretend it never happened. I am blamed for their addictions and stress and it’s so fucking confusing because I never wanted them to do that to themselves. I’m so so sorry for
Letting this thread go on forever I’m just lost and want to talk about this because I can’t tell my family or therapist or anything. There is no need to read this or comment I don’t want anyone to feel forced to, I just wanted to finally say something. I’m so sorry.
