one time a friend and I went down the wrong driveway to what we thought was a house party late at night and couldnt go back up it in the ice

the guy whose property we were on came out with a pistol and pointed it at my head, then made us attach a tow strap at gunpoint to the car

higher % chance we get shot if we were black, not a lot of black people in the area for one so it woulda been scary for that shirtless redneck

but what I more wanted to comment on is what it’s like to look down a barrel; your head starts vibrating and your adrenaline pumps

you think about your mom and your friends and if this is really gonna be it, breathing is harder to manage if you’re prone to panic

i just put my hands on my head and kept looking at the little hole, wondering if this was really all I got out of this life, just 17 years

imagine a guy doing that who could legally get away with it as long as his paperwork was in order, fucked up man, I coulda been GONE if he was a cop, and he WALKS, but I digress

I think that everyone with an anime pfp who likes to sit and talk shit online while in between beatoff sessions, if they could feel a fraction of the true, raw fear of staring an untimely death in the face, they’d set aside their pet circular logic battles and empathize one time

it is so easy to be cavalier about death and consequence and punishment when the only frame of reference you have is film and media and sycophantic twitter, makes you feel cool and detached and casually indifferent, but nobody stays calm the first time they look down a barrel

we only live once, all while avoiding the thought of what happens when the lights go out forever, but they will, and we have to face it one day

it just shouldn’t be because some asshole with a state-issued 9mm or a boot decided that you were unlucky to have so much melanin

thanks for indulging me, I don’t really have a point to this

we all gotta get off this website but there’s nowhere else to go