By request: my take on "Violence doesn't solve anything."

Well actually, it absolutely does. Here's an anecdote for you.

During the brief time I spent in USA grade school in rural New Hampshire, I got bullied a lot, and by "bullied" I mean "beaten up."

Everyone said, hey, that's terrible, what happened to you. Good job keeping your cool. Good job turning the other cheek. That makes you the better person.

Until eventually, my dad got sick of me coming home with black eyes and bruises and the like.

He spent a few weeks teaching me to throw a punch like I meant it.

I didn't want to. It was scary. I didn't like getting punched and I didn't want to be a puncher either. I didn't want to be just like the people who beat me up.

He insisted.

"Don't make a fist like that," he taught me.

"Don't pull your punch at the last minute," he taught me.

"Don't think it makes you the same as them to stand up for yourself," he taught me.

And finally one night I actually left a bruise on his arm where he had me punch.

"Good job," he said. "Now you've got this. And the next time someone tries to hurt you, that's what you do. That's how you punch them. And then they won't beat you up any more, because they'll be afraid to."

A few days later, one of the boys who beat me up cornered me on the playground. "Hey ugly Peru girl," he sneered, grabbing my shirt by the collar and turning me to face him.

I swung. It was like slow motion. I felt the pop and the crunch and saw the blood all over my fist.

He let go. Blood from his broken nose spattered my yellow turtleneck that had been new, now with the rip and the stretched out collar, and he shrieked, turned, and ran away.

He never made a move towards me again. Neither did anyone else in that school.

I lost a month of recess.

Nothing happened to him.

The system was never there for me. The system never had punished him for regularly beating me up and calling me ugly Peru girl. The system said it wasn't his fault; he had a shitty abusive family and he just acted out.

Whatever that kid's reasons for being a bully, for beating me up, for the many black eyes and bruised cheeks and ripped clothing he laid on me, for the way he instigated violence against me that the system couldn't seem to find a solution for, you know what?

Once he saw me as a possible threat -- once he perceived there being risk involved in beating me up -- he stopped.

And honestly, I'm gonna call that violence on my part solving the problem of violence against me.

Would it have been nice if The System -- in that case, the school -- could have stopped me from being beaten up on a regular basis, in some other way?

Oh hell yes.

But it DIDN'T. And that is the point.

But here's the part of "violence doesn't solve anything" that nobody wants to talk about right now.

A lot of people who say that don't believe it either.

That's why, for instance, they've got concealed carry permits and believe in gun rights.

Because they know damn well that systems can fail individuals, and entire populations. And they believe they've got the right to defend themselves. They believe it's inalienable and essential and they think the system is good because it, too, says they have that right.

They also think if they kiss the ass of the bully, he's never going to call them ugly Peru girl, rip their clothes, black their eyes.

They think if they lick enough boots it'll never be their neck under that boot.

They think going along will get them a pass.

And, to a point they're right: it will.

As long as they're useful to the instigating bullies. As long as they're gleefully watching Ugly Peru Girl get her ass beat, and not doing shit about it.

I used to think I could win their hearts and minds. I used to wish like hell not to be Ugly Peru Girl, and to be able to shrink into the crowd and avoid the beatings.

I thought I'd give anything for that.

But it turned out that wasn't true, either.

I also used to think I could make The System be on my side, like if I was a good student and obedient and turned in all my homework on time and had great manners and never used bad language and shit.

AND SHIT.

The System, though, is only there to propagate itself. It gives no fucks for individuals in it. And The Bully knows how to game it. And whoever plays the role of Ugly Peru Girl has two choices: endure the beatings forever, in which case you get beaten a lot, or... wait for it...

or stand up to The Bully and not give a shit about The System, because you're losing either way; and in that case, yeah, you still get beaten -- but maybe, just maybe, it's the last time. Or the last time for now. The last time until the next school and the next bully.

The System mostly privileges The Bystander: the kid who stands and watched Ugly Peru Girl get her ass kicked while she doesn't fight back. And sometimes The System rewards The Bully, as it does in white supremacy.

But here's the thing. Are you ready?

The Bystander is scared. They have to defend The System because they know without it, The Bully is coming straight for them; the only reason The Bystander isn't Ugly Peru Girl is because The Bully counts on gaming The System, so The System has to keep existing.

You can't win over The Bystander. They're only ever going to see Ugly Peru Girl as a human, or valuable, when they want something from her, or when they're so sure they've lost their place that The System guarantees, that it's worth risking The Bully targeting them.

So, my take is, fuck The System, fuck The Bully, and fuck The Bystander's good opinion. If you're Ugly Peru Girl, learn to throw a punch, and then throw it like you mean it, even if it makes you feel sick at heart to see the blood and feel the crunch of breaking bone.

And the reason this is my take is, in the 40 years since my dad taught me how to throw a punch, every time I've had to throw one it's because there wasn't anyone or anything there to save me if I was passive and waited. Waiting only made shit worse. And finally?

Well, finally, every time I've been unwilling to take the swing in my defense, The Bully would show up, and take advantage, and the crowd of bystanders would cheer him on. Because that's what The Bully does -- using The System.

And later, another note on The System:

It creates a protected Bystander class which is mostly insulated from the abuses and violence of The System, specifically as an enticement -- specifically so that the Ugly Peru Girls *won't* throw punches, but instead...

...will desperately hope to become The Bystander for the illusion, or temporary condition of, safety from The Bully.

There are low-grade and high-grade Bullies, who exploit The System for their own ends, or blame it for their failure to give a shit about The System's victims.

Best case, The System is indifferent to humans within it, while providing a framework for The Bully and The Bystander to shift all blame and own no responsibility for their part in maintaining it.

Worst case is the day to day of everyone at the bottom of the stack.