Every word I put down seems inadequate. I feel pain and shame and sorrow, but none that compares to the feelings and lived experiences of Black people in America. #BlackLivesMatter

I have grand ideas of ways to bring a Social Justice lens to my teaching and to show students that they have a voice and power in society and how the Mathematics that we do can give them that... but it never seems like enough. #mtbos

I read and work on myself, but the feeling of guilt never goes away... a guilt that is worthless. I look for partners and listen to Black educators I respect and admire @ShanaVWhite @DingleTeach @ValeriaBrownEdu @Idil_A_ @mdawriter @LBmathemagician @mochamomma & many others.

I do all of this from a distance because my voice doesn’t feel worthy of sharing the same space as theirs. Because I am not as eloquent as @ChristieNold @Lyricalswordz @aj_wade @herbertmath628 or @lizziefortin

Even this feels self-aggrandizing. But as @JennSWhite showed me this morning, I feel this way because I am scared. Scared of critique and judgement, not because of my actions, but my inactions. I feel a constant nagging that I should be doing more, giving more, working harder.

And I probably should be... I really wish I had gotten the opportunity to attend @AllYallEdu this year to meet some of you in person, I really would have liked to have a group of #antiracist educators to process everything I’m thinking and feeling, not so publicly.

I will likely delete this thread in a few moments, because even as I read over it, I feel I am centering myself and NONE of it should be about me at all.