One of the frustrating things about bisexuality as a queer identity is that there are a lot of bisexuals who haven’t really done the work to dismantle their heteronormative mindset and they are often what most people think of when they think of bisexuality.

The obvious example of this is the woman in a partnership with a man whose bisexuality is primarily a vehicle for her partner’s entertainment, especially in the format of a threesome. I won’t say that that woman is “actually straight,” but she has a heteronormative mindset.

To be clear, this isn’t some problem that’s intrinsic to bisexuality: I think it’s more prevalent among the bis because many of us do not really engage with the queer community (whether because we don’t seek it out or because we feel rejected/out of place when we do).

But like, yeah, I get why people are skeptical when a woman (especially a conventionally feminine white woman) who is in a serious partnership with a man is all, “But I’m bi! Queer rep!!!” because that’s a reaction I sometimes have to.

But I think it’s one of those things where the seemingly justified biphobia that that kind of person generates is actually counterproductive: the more we push those people out of the community, the harder we make it for them to understand why we’re hesitant to let them in.

Anyway, no real conclusion here, just trying to parse my gut reaction to someone in a way that feels more kind and generous than “ugh another fake bi girl”

(also, never forget that plenty of gays and lesbians are also terrible and haven’t unpacked their heteronormative mindsets, definitely not just the bis)

Also just to be clear I’m emphatically *not* disparaging bi women who primarily date cis men here, it’s not a question of how many genitals of what type you’ve had intimate contact with, it’s about a mindset that reinforces or pushes back against heterosexual norms.

I’m a bi girl who’s primarily dated men! I also feel most comfortable around queer people, and in queer communities, and I chafe at a lot of the expectations of heterosexuality! Also, this: https://twitter.com/luxalptraum/status/1149863695381647363?s=21 https://twitter.com/luxalptraum/status/1149863695381647363