Young me: a story. When I was a drama student, we all read The Stage's advertisements in the hope there'd be acting jobs we could fit around college. Most of the jobs weren't really acting, but they suited actors. Lots of face-to-face sales, promo work etc. I found one looking..

...for dinner companions. Well, I liked dinner. & I was good at conversation. It seemed perfect. I was offered an audition immediately. I had to get myself to an Underground station & call them. I did so. The casting director said he was sending his driver to collect me...

..it seemed v. impressive, but also scary. I didn't know where they were taking me. A lovely shiny car arrived, & I got in. He drove me to a mansion block. We went up to a glam apartment. The casting director was lovely to me & asked all about my interests.

I told him about Shakespeare, & how much I liked the National Portrait Gallery. He said I could definitely have the job. And then he said "
You seem like a nice girl". "Thanks!" I said. "So my question is, what's a nice girl like you doing here?" he literally replied.

Well. I was quite puzzled. I asked what he meant. "How many sexual partners have you had?" he asked. "None! I'm a Christian!" I replied, quite proudly. "Uh huh. Well I'm a pimp" he said. "And if I ever get a client who's only looking for conversation, you'll definitely get..."

"the job". His driver drove me back to the Underground station. And I felt quite excited to have met an actual pimp, TBH. Sometimes he cameoed in my fantasies, in which he was less nice. And that, dear all, is why I think it'd be great if people were allowed to actually advertise

honestly. To save all the 19 year old, Christian drama students from auditioning successfully to be escorts *by mistake*. The end. Thanks for listening. He really did seem a very nice pimp.

Fuuuuuck I just remembered I wrote him into a stage fight script. Because of course I did