Thread by @eriknorlund, So tensions are high, as is my anxiety, but I just need [...]

So tensions are high, as is my anxiety, but I just need to share the laziest looting I've ever seen to all 6 or 7 of my followers who may or may not see this.

For a little background, I live in the Uptown area of Minneapolis and there is an Ace Hardware near me.

The back lot is in view of one of my windows and there are numerous pallets that hold bags of what I can assume are potting soil, wood chips and other assorted landscaping or garden fillers.

Now mind you these bags are always unsecured because who the eff wants to steal them?

Anyway, not that long ago I heard some rummaging, and sure enough, some enterprising young individual decided to load 5 or 6 bags of, let's just assume it's soil, onto...an office chair.

I think you can see where this is headed.

So our guy proceeded to wheel his kill, fresh from the asphalt battlefield, down the sidewalk, oh maybe about a hundred feet, only to have the office chair catch a lip in the concrete, and topple over, dumping all his precious cargo.

I heard him swear to himself.

But our plucky looter wasn't going to admit defeat! However, instead of picking up the bags of soil, he just left them there on the sidewalk as evidenced by this crappy picture here just to give it a bit of context:

I see him now wheel the office chair back to the pallets that he came from and load ANOTHER set of bags onto the same chair that proved to be so reliable an apparatus just a few moments prior.

And this chair, from what I could see of it, wasn't exactly stable. If you have a BMI of over 25 you would already be compromising its structural fortitude in its native habitat of a bland office environment, let alone trying to moonlight it as a getaway vehicle for stolen soil.

Anyway, our hero decides that he'll take the street instead of the sidewalk this time, which is kind of an indictment on the state of our sidewalks more than anything else, but that's a conversation for a different day.

He scampers out of view, soil as his spoil, and I just decided to take a pic for posterity.

So obviously he was too lazy to pick up the original load off the ground and decided to go back a second time to the pallets because the lift would be a lot easier.

I mean, dude...this isn't exactly an exercise in bad assery.

Fist of all, it's potting soil...not a 46" Vizio.

Next, it was already there, unprotected, out in the open so don't you DARE say you were out looting when you try to embellish your story some 20 years hence.

I bet you missed your chance at the AutoZone to snipe an alternator for a 1994 Chevy Corsica and you didn't want to go home empty handed.

So you found the worst chair you could possibly find for this endeavor (there is a reason nobody else took it!) and plotted your next move.

Well, welcome to my neighborhood. And I guess I should thank you for not having the temerity to do some actual looting and instead you just stole something in the most lazy fashion ever, and at least in this case the only thing you damaged was your damn dignity.

I hope wherever your soil ends up that it serves you well.

Far be it from me to question the motivations for your actions tonight. I'm a middle aged white guy so I'm the last to be able to pass judgement.

But I'm scared for my city over these next few days and nights.

I can't sleep and I'm wondering if things will deteriorate to such a point to where I'll feel the need to potentially bail. Quite the contrast from having to have spend the last several weeks sheltering in place with no hope of normality anytime soon.

Anyway, thanks for the few fleeting moments of amusement but you still suck at looting.

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