Not expecting ppl to always be polite in the face of what is actually repeated trauma over time.

Non black partners of black ppl (incl NBPOC). You need to make sure that your black partners can talk to you about racism and anti blackness and feel listened to. You will not know how it feels to be black. Ever. You can listen to somebody who does.

And... when they challenge you on stuff you may have done or your family or friends . Listen to them + support them. I have seen marriages end bc of this.

For non black parents of mixed black kids. You need to educate yourself independently of your partner “I don’t notice it” or “I can’t ever understand “ will not fly. Your kids will be read and treated as black all around the world so up your game + protect them .

Black ppl if you have a non black partner who you can’t have difficult conversations with race about. 1) you need a new partner 2) pls don’t have children with them.

My (white) partner tells me that I told her she needed to read “why I’m no longer talking to white ppl about race” if we were going to be a proper thing. I don’t remember that but tbh if somebody can’t put in 8 hrs to read a bit about how race affects you then is it a good sign?

Note I’m saying non-black ppl. Again deliberate. There are many commonalities between exp of all POC in predominantly white countries. BUT anti blackness pervades all non black communities world wide and any honest non black POC knows this.

So when a Black person says something about their experience that is specifically to do with anti Blackness pls suck ya mum if you decide to use a non-black POC as a counterpoint.