So let me get this straight:

We have "world-beating" Test and Trace. We wanted curing, but we got beating. Obvs.

But most days since we claimed 100,000 tests in a day (a lie) only around 70,000 people have been tested

At this rate is will take 957 days to test everyone once

But we don't need to test everyone if we can track people who come into contact with someone infected

But the tracing app isn't ready

And the project lead (married to a Tory MP, natch) says it won't be ready by deadline

And when it is ready, it only works if millions use it

But to use it, you have to trust the govt with your data

The govt is run by an unelected, unsackable vandal, who was found in contempt of Parliament cos he refused to be questioned about his role in the Cambridge Analytica data theft and misuse scandal.

So few trust the app.

I mean, another app was available, free, built by the guys who actually made your phone.

But that one didn't collect mountains of personal data and share it with the people who literally broke data law on a massive scale.

So we had to pay an MPs wife to do our own.

And sure, most app developers (and I am one) know the app uses a phone's existing functions, nothing new, so could be build by a team of 15 good people in 2 weeks.

(It's 4 months since WHO said contact tracing was vital)

But I'm sure it'll be ready soon. And trustworthy.

But it's ok, cos we just have to follow the rules in the meantime.

But the rules were broken by the same unelected, unsackable guy I mentioned before. So fuck the rules, right?

And none of that matters, cos we'll manually track everyone you come into contact with.

But the incubation period can be 2 weeks. And in that time you might sit within 2 metres of 1000 people on public transport.

So we're going to [deep breath] manually track them all down. You don't know who they are, but we'll find them.

That's gonna need a lot of training!

But we didn't even start employing tracing staff until 2 weeks ago, never mind training. And they're being asked to do this at home on their own computers.

2 weeks training. No resources. Identify and call 1000 people who were in Leeds train station a fortnight ago.

But we wouldn't take crazy risks with everybody's life unless we had a proper plan.

Hold on, what's that now? Shops and schools are opening and you now can throw a barbecue?

Yes. But you might also stop asking about Dominic Cummings, and that is more important than anything.